Can I get a Witness?

Jehovah’s Witnesses: persecuted during the Holocaust; obvious historical connection with the place that used to be Palestine; no nation state of their own at the end of WWII.

Clearly, we should have given the Witnesses the West Bank. It would have made just as much sense as giving the Jews Israel…

Nowt so queer as Norfolk

Here are two recent police photofits issued by the Norfolk police – a would-be burglar and a would-be child abductor:

Norfolk burglar photofit

Norfolk abduction photofit

No further comment.

A selection of ha-has

Oh-so-brave-Danish-right-wing-paper rejected offensive cartoons of Jesus in case they caused a fuss (via). Oh-so-terrible-licensing-rules cut [*] drink-related crime.

[*] yes, OK – the evidence only says “probably didn’t raise”, since there were other factors involved and since I normally and rightly slate recorded crime figures for being less accurate than the British Crime Survey. Still, a little gloating’s OK, right?

Dear weird Islamist extremists

Please can you declare jihad on drooling fuckwits who use phrases like “the government is firmly under the control of Gramscians “? Failing that, anyone who uses the phrase “Gramscian” outside of sociology (except for taking the piss out of maniacs who think society is being destroyed by a liberal plot, natch) would do. Fuck, I’m even prepared to sacrifice the sociologists here…

Actually, I’m almost tempted to suggest you should set up a fucking Islamist state. Yes, it’d suck, but at least bigoted dickheads like this one would shut the fuck up. Remind me not to read right-wing blogs ever; these people are not sane. They live in a society which is really, blatantly, obviously free and liberal and not beseiged by marauding mentalists and crazies (aside from their occasional appearance on the news, being arrested and jailed because they’ve moved on from frothing to commiting actual crimes), and yet they go on as if we were ruled by some kind of bizarre Caliphate re-enactment society. And then lie that the economy’s being fucked by Gordon’s evil schemes… yeah, that whole “14 consecutive years of economic growth thing” is a bummer, innit?

Look, we’ve got the money, the beer and the bacon. Ethnic minority groups still have a shit time of it. Take your pathetic white middle-class male pseudo-victimhood and shove it.

This would never have happened in the 1790s

US presidents honour King widow“. OK, so the correct term is “queen consort”, but it’s a start…

The right to incite

Please can all those idiots who made spurious analogies between the BNP trial and the Abu Hamza trial (“ooh, it’s outrageous that they’re trying to put Nick Griffin in the dock when Hamza said much worse things”) fuck off? Mr Griffin’s not going to get anything even approaching seven years behind bars, no matter what happens. That doesn’t mean he’s innocent, any more than citing Ian Huntley’s existence would be an argument against prosecuting Gary Glitter…

An actual free speech issue! Yay!

While we’re all losing it over the Danes-with-offensive-and-shit-cartoons thing, Kitty Killer has details of a far more outlandish and egregious assault on free speech, perpetrated by a government-backed British institiution. Read. Be outraged. Forward to any journalists you might happen to know…


Pigdogfucker salutes Omar Khayam for an excellently provocative and taboo-breaking piece of performance art. And he’s got a rubber yak.

Meanwhile, our prejudices about EU-haters being a co-extensional group with the dhimmification-loon brigade are confirmed: the EU Referendum blog has talked about little beyond the (let’s be honest, entirely trivial) cartoon fuss for days. Their tasteful little cartoon of a dark-skinned chap painting horrific antisemitic propaganda while berating an innocent-looking white chap for drawing a picture of Mohammed is, erm, indicative.

The Arab press is occasionally guilty of antisemitic cartoonery – while the leading gallery thereof is curated by a complete paranoid loony, some of the images there are a bit off. The problem isn’t that they portray Israeli leaders as murderous bastards: this is somewhere between true and untrue-but-not-racism. The problem is that some of them (actually a minority of the ones that the gallery is cross about, but still some) depict Israel using unpleasant Nazi-era Jewish stereotypes. Not ideal, although perhaps the fact that Israel keeps murdering Arabs excuses a bit of hyperbole here…

The Danish cartoons have very clearly confirmed one popular prejudice, which is that nobody Scandinavian will ever say or do anything amusing, except by mistake. As if to stake a claim for Holland’s place in the same pantheon some Dutch dickhead has put together a bunch of cartoons which manage to be even more offensive and less funny (which is a hard combination to achieve) than the originals. Good effort, Netherlands bigot guy.

For really top-class comedy stunts, however, you need to turn to Hamas:

In August 2001, Hamas sent a suicide bomber into a Sbarro pizzeria in Jerusalem. He killed 15 innocent Israelis, mutilating many dozens more. A month later, Hamas student activists at al-Najah University in Nablus celebrated the attack with an exhibit, a mockup of the smashed Sbarro shop strewn with blood and fake body parts — a severed leg, still dressed in jeans; a human hand dangling from the ceiling. The inscription (with a reference to the Qassam military wing of Hamas) read: “Qassami Pizza is more delicious.”

Beat that, cloggies and Vikings…