Assault and battery

Dell, Apple and Lenovo (ex-IBM) have something in common: they all make better laptops than Sony. They have something else in common, too: the Sony-supplied batteries on their laptops have an unfortunate habit of exploding.

I detect a nefarious plot by the once-great, now-struggling Japanese firm: scare your rivals\’ customers, ensure they are inconvenienced by paranoid airlines, blame the rivals\’ system architecture, and grab their defecting customers by the thousands. Damn you, Howard Stringer…

How do you solve a problem like [stupid philosophy thought experiment]?

Assuming that person B has previously done nothing terribly bad to person A, how bad is it if person B stoves person A\’s head in with a brick?

What if person A has raped person B\’s daughter? What about if person A has statutorily raped person B\’s daughter? What about if person A is Nick Griffin, and person B is a Jew? What about if person B has killed person A\’s brother, but person A doesn\’t realise?

I reckon thought experiments are pretty fucking stupid, having done a degree in them. But feel free to post your favourite ones here, and we can, err, investigate them fully without mocking you for being an idiot or anything.

Obituary update

If I were to say \”ding dong, the witch is dead\”, that might provoke unfair exciitement among my more left-of-centre readers. So I\’ll stick with the news that the bigot, liar and professional Muslim-hater Oriana Fallaci has snuffed it. Good.

Why I support and endorse terrorism and terrorists

In the vague hope that people who (without any apparent satirical intent) write this kind of thing:

1. True or False?

Liberals who attack Bush/defend terrorism do so because terrorism (like Communism) promises them the structure and discipline they, like so many spoiled brats, sorely lack and subconsciously crave.

Conservative answer: Sad but true

…will be the first to be exploded, even though I know that that theory has been empirically disproven.

They all look the same, so they should all die

This reminded me of this, in a \”history repeating as farce\” kind of way. Bloody hell, people are wankers.

In memoriam

Coming from an evil bastard like Mr Eugenides, this is surprisingly touching.

However, it does bring to mind the old saw that young victims of sudden death, whether through murder, accident, disease or other tragedy, are always lovely, wonderful people who help disadvantaged children and love their mothers (an extreme example).

Fate, like Al Qaeda, does an excellent job of saving the curmudgeonly sods who steal from widows and orphans, the people whose leisure time is spent masturbating in seedy booths and fighting in seedy bars, the people whose mothers despair for them. And this is precisely why I\’m not scared of the terrorists…

That phrase does not mean what you think it does

Neither \”in all seriousness\” nor \”the totalitarian left\”:

Finally, there are the downright vicious ones from people who, in all seriousness, say they would consign me, for instance, to the gas chambers. Now here\’s a funny thing. They all come from the totalitarian left. Odd, that. (Not.) They don\’t like it up \’em, do they?

I suppose it\’s possible he\’s had more than one gassing threat lately. Dozens, even. The fact that someone seeking to defend right-wing political thought from the Leftofascists and the Islamofascists faces such widespread intimidation is a clear indication of spiralling levels of antisemitism and holocaust denial. And it\’s almost certainly the Muslims\’ fault.

Fuck courtesy, you daft cunt

The anti-Blair demonstration at the north London Potemkin school the other day was hilarious. Lenin has a horse\’s-mouth account, but effectively it involved sixth-formers defying politically-cowed teachers to deliver the same message to Blair that any sane person would want to deliver (i.e. \”fuck off and die\”).

Wingnutblogger Prodicus is an idiot, on the other hand:

I despise those who teach children to be rude to Prime Ministers – even this one – and who use them as cannon fodder. They should leave that to Hamas and Hezbollah.

Fuck that. Everyone should be rude to Prime Ministers; everyone should be rude to every cunt who tries to assert their authority over others. This particular PM deserves it more than others thanks to his erosion of civil liberties and his complicity in American and Israeli Ayrab-slaughtering, but that isn\’t really the point. Nobody deserves respect merely for their title, and nobody should ever defer to anyone, ever. If you think otherwise, you\’re a daft little reactionary poodle, and I will be there laughing in your face when the people to whom you kowtow defecate on your head from a great height.

Also, likening a harmless and amusing school protest to the use of children as soldiers and human bombs is the most offensive metaphor since I said \”cunts like Prodicus should be sent to Poland and gassed in the showers\”. Which was just now.

The Devil, wrongly, half-approves of Prodicus on this issue. But at least he has the decency to focus on Lenin\’s communist leanings, rather than suggesting that Tony Blair deserves any respect of any kind whatsoever.

File this one under \’obvious\’

Even the US Senate now admits that there was no connection between Saddam and September 11. Obviously, right-wing nutjobs will continue to believe it until the Rapture.

No, this is all wrong

People who don\’t like rock are the ones who ought to be stabbed in the eyes