Two out of three workers in “are dirty rotten liars” shock

No way in hell do I believe this. It’s just about possible that only 33% of workers are hungover *on any given day*…

2.3% of Londoners need murdered

So it’s hello to (one of) the daft cunts of the BNP on the London Assembly. Let’s be clear here, this has fuck all to do with Labour betrayal of the working class or any of that crap; there is no excuse for voting for the scumbags and if you think there is an excuse you are as vile and repellent as they are.

(thought experiment: did the fact that Weimar politicians fucked the economy exculpate people who voted for Hitler? No, it didn’t.)

So, it’s an official Pigdogfucker Murder A Despicable Bastard Bounty Day. Post proof that you’ve murdered someone, and proof that they’re a BNP cunt, in comments – the prize for Most Inventive Murder Of Most Cuntiest Cunt is GBP500 worth of halal meat, fried plantain and Polish sausage.

Get murdering, people… Oh, and in case you were wondering, the figure in the headline is BNP vote share * turnout….

Always sane, always balanced

Whining lying thieving pikey cunts; gas the lot of them:

“We are the last group of people in this country who you can openly mock and make racist jokes about – who else is there?”

Fuck off and tarmac my driveway. You’re not a race, you’re just a bunch of navvies who couldn’t be arsed to settle down and get jobs when they stopped building railways…

The mayor is a cunt…

…and I’m moving to Russia. That is all.

Peas in a (rapist-y) pod

This is doubtless a sign of my heartless inhuman mysogyny, but I saw two news stories today that I struggled to tell apart:

Johnny Vegas sexually molests pretty young fan on stage and Elephant seal attempts to rape penguin

Kinda yeah, kinda nah

I’m sent a link to this story, on the grounds that it will really piss me off. And it sort-of does, but not as much as the sender might have expected.

[it's about a woman in the US who got locked up for 10-20 years aged 19 for some half-arsed drug offences, who escaped from jail after a year, spent 32 years as a fugitive living a respectable suburban life, and who's now been thrown back into jail after some unspeakable bastard grassed her up].

And indeed, there are elements that piss me off. Anyone who grasses up a non-violent offender to the police should be beaten about the head with an iron bar until they no longer have a head. Also, obviously, the original sentence was gibberingly crazily insane. As we all know, drugs don’t take themselves; while many of the people who sell drugs, as a result of the trade being illegal, are nasty bastards who also shoot and steal, there is nothing any more immoral about the act of selling drugs in itself than the act of selling pie or skydiving lessons [*].

But the actual ‘someone who escaped from jail being sent back there’ thing doesn’t actually upset me all that much. If we’re going to impose deranged sentences on people for non-harmful non-crimes, then the ones who break out of prison shouldn’t be punished any less severaly than the ones who actually stay there, follow the system, endure the torture of jail and try and get paroled…

[*] to pick two activities that, like drug use, are enjoyable but raise one’s chances of untimely death

Ooh, teh shockz

Unsurprisingly, given the generally accepted lameness of the UK’s would-be terrorists, nobody even bothered to argue with my assessment that if the police’s evidence against Andrew Ibrahim is accurate, he’s a schoolboy dilettante with fuck all in the “explosives worth bothering with” stakes.

Indeed:

The teenager has been accused of possessing Hexamethylene Triperoxide Diamine, also known as HMTD, which is an explosive organic chemical compound. He has also been accused of possessing, among other items, two home-made vests, a quantity of ball bearings, a quantity of air gun pellets, a quantity of nails and screws, wired circuitry, batteries and electric bulb filaments.

Now, homemade HMTD is almost completely fucking useless, since it either doesn’t work at all or explodes while you’re still carrying it (properly made HMTD hasn’t been commercially available for years for related reasons), and creating it requires the chemistry skills of a half-trained ape. And as far as the other items go, anyone could get hold of them given half an hour’s shopping time.

Given all that, then if he is guilty, I’m actually vaguely impressed the rozzers managed to nick Mr Ibrahim (and once again, it’s very good evidence that if anyone was planning anything serious against the UK that required non-trivial explosives and an actual conspiracy of people, they’d already be in jail…). Perhaps the years of utterly pointless raids on home MDMA and LSD labs have actually provided “watch out if person X buys chemical Y” skills that are vaguely transferrable – if so, this may well be the only positive consequence of the War On Drugs…

[for the avoidance of doubt, I do think it's a good thing that Mr Ibrahim is on trial, just as I'd prefer it if anyone accused of saying that they were going to kill me, and then firing an airgun at me from 100 yards away while blindfolded in the fervent belief that it would do me serious harm, were to go on trial...]

No alarms and no surprises

Yes, I know that “ooh, this is how people found my blog” articles are so tiresome that you can now read them in the Guardian.

Equally, the number of unspeakably disturbing and filthy searches that lead – doubtless rather disappointed – deviant wankers to this website is quite large. Which I guess isn’t surprising, given the blog title and some of the subject material. How d’you think I found Dr Newman K Lin? (note: this is a rhetorical question).

However, this is definitely the best week ever to get a referral from Google Austria for the search term “fuck child under 13“. Do you think they have Internet access in the St Poelton county jail…?

DC Steve Lloyd is certainly a cunt, but I wouldn’t murder his baby

Via Phil in comments, a badly reported story of idiots screwing each other over in a way that may have disturbing implications for non-idiots.

The story, at least according to the BBC is that Gavin Brent, who in fairness does look like a thick twat, got arrested for some kind of arcane Internet thievery. DC Steve Lloyd interviewed Mr Brent over said thievery; then went on paternity leave whilst Mr Brent was being charged. Mr Brent then ranted on his blog about how shit it was that he was being arrested and how the officers arresting him were cunts, suffixed with “P.S. – D.C. Lloyd, God help your new-born baby”.

This isn’t A Clever Thing To Do. However, in the eyes of anyone who isn’t certifiably, immediately and permanently paranoidly deranged, it’s entirely fucking clear that that sentence means means “I hope your baby manages to get around the handicap of having a dad who’s an utter dickhead”, not “I’m going to set fire to your baby”. Unfortunately for Mr Brent, DC Lloyd is indeed a paranoid dickhead, and hence charged Mr Brent with [something]. The magistrates – possibly because most magistrates are complete and utter lackeys who’ll convict anyone of anything the police ask no matter what the actual law may be – found him guilty and fined him £150.

The reason for the [something] and the “possibly” is that the only report of this I’ve been able to find is on the BBC website (plus a few ranty blogs that have linked to it), and in the style of most “ooh, comedy interest” local news stories, the reporting is a pile of arse and doesn’t mention the actual offence with which Mr Brent was charged. Equally unfortunately, Mr Brent’s blog has been deleted and I’ve not been able to track down any archives or backups of it.

Readers, do you have any more info on this story? In particular, I’d be interested to see a) what the hell he was charged with and b) any evidence at all that the magistrates were justified in concluding that “any reasonable person would find the words about the baby to be menacing in the context of the overall blog“. Because unless the evidence goes well beyond the BBC story there is none, and the magistrates should immediately be fired.

Update – thanks to Mike in comments:

Here is the blog in question; the original charge sounds like an utterly malicious prosecution and I can see why the chap in question thinks the police and CPS in the case are cunts.

Reading between the lines and eliminating some of the self-justification, budget electronics site Ebuyer fucked up and sold him loads of stuff at bargain prices; he kept on ordering it, on the grounds that why the hell not, but when they realised their mistake they reported him to the police. Anyone who thinks it should be illegal to buy things cheaply from a website that a company is too stupid to make work is an idiot, and should be beaten to death. However, I can also see that Mr Brent’s style won’t have done him any favour with the company, the rozzers or the CPS [note: "in the style of this blog" is not how I act when dealing with authority, or indeed doing anything under my real name...]

But one thing that is entirely fucking clear is that his blog it is absolutely free of threats, but riven with whiney denunciations. This means that the magistrates who interpreted his whiney denunciation as a threat are moronic cretins; if someone successfully crucifies all three of them to death and posts the photos in comments here, I’ll give them a fiver and a bag of chips.