Oooh, oooh, oooh!

PDF operates an equal opportunities policy of offensiveness. If a fucking dickhead compares Labour to the Nazis, we call him a fucking dickhead. If a fucking dickhead compares climate change denialists to Josef Fritzl, we call him a fucking dickhead (note: the Bishop of Stafford is a fucking dickhead).

And if an Australian TV channel points out to kids that they’re using ten times the resources of the average third world citizen, and does so by the comedically robust means of a “when ought you to die?” calculator, we salute them. This is entirely appropriate: everyone in the west should be thoroughly aware of how fucking lucky they are to be as rich as they fucking are, and equally be aware that there is no way in hell the world could support the lifestyles we currently have for its whole population; failure to appreciate these facts is a sign of rampant idiocy and self-centredness bordering on the autistic; and the belief that it’s wrong to point these facts out to kids in a way that will shock them and stick in their minds is somewhere between Victorian and moronic.

However, one thing that we don’t like is hypocrisy. And as Justin points out, the hypocrisy of right-wing swearbloggers after the Bishop of Stafford’s remarks certainly counts…

Top sekrit covert ops

a) George Bush is a fucking tool
b) George Bush is coming to the UK
c) This is a Bad Thing
d) Manticore!!

A Viz moment

An anonymous contributor writes:

I was thinking it’s very annoying that these lorry drivers are blockading the roads etc, but at least it means they’re not murdering female teenage hitchhikers.

We get results (nearly)

It’s the official and stated opinion of this blog that BNP cunts should be murdered. So obviously, on reading that BNP cunt Keith Brown had been murdered, we cracked open the champagne [*] in honour of his killer, Habib Khan.

Unfortunately, it transpired that BNP cunt Keith Brown wasn’t murdered at all – rather, Mr Khan stabbed Mr Brown after Mr Brown came to mr Khan’s house, put Mr Khan’s son in a headlock, and threatened to kill him. Now, stabbing the guy to death is certainly disproportionate at this point, but the jury agreed that it was also certainly understandable…

So regrettably, Mr Khan fails to win the halal meat, fried plantain or Polish sausage prize – that’s reserved for someone who kills a BNP cuntist on the grounds of ideology alone, not because he’s a psychotic maniac who’s threatened to kill their son.

[*] non-alcoholic, obviously, as we’re deranged terror supporting Islamist fanatics

The cycle of vindictive bastardry

Obsolete makes sense:

[This is] why Sophie Lancaster’s mother hasn’t received the overwhelming sympathy or coverage that Helen Newlove did; she happened to [be] a youth worker who believed in compassion, letting live and and forgiving, and despite initial and understandable soul-searching about whether she could continue in such a job, she’s decided she will. Contrast that to Newlove: the woman out not for justice, but for apparent vengeance, who gives the kind of quotes the tabloids adore, such as saying how she’d give her husband’s killers the lethal injection herself, while demanding that new, deeply authoritarian and illiberal laws be brought in to stop such youths killing in the future.

When met with individuals who don’t want to pursue a vendetta, or even, God forbid, forgive their tormentors, as Anthony Walker’s mother famously did, they don’t understand it or consider it worthy of further coverage, except to ask how they possibly could do such a thing. The embittered and angry always make for better copy than the reflective ones who want to move on.

I’d agree wholeheartedly, and add Liz Longhurst to the list of the vindictive, vendetta tabloid-tacular side. And of course, this fuels the cycle of hatred, has contributed to everyone being more afraid of crime than they should be, and generally makes the world a worse place for all concerned. While I’m not a Christian, getting rid of “eye-for-eye” and substituting “turn the other cheek” is quality inspirational genius, and is pretty much the foundation of everything that’s good, decent and worth keeping about western civilisation.

On a more personal basis, the people I love know my views about This Sort Of Thing, and are sane liberals rather than deranged medievalists; it’s disappointing to think that in the extremely unlikely event that I were to become the victim of a vile murder, they’d be more or less completely ignored in favour of people who wanted to eviscerate children [*] live on TV…

[*] it’s weird – if anyone other than Helen Newlove were to go public about their desire to kill children, they’d find themselves at best a social pariah and probably in a loony bin within a few days…

Hooray! Hooray!

It’s National Tackling Drugs Week. Let’s all go tackle some drugs…

Cutting one’s losses

If I was called Mr Small Cock and I fell over a flower, I’m not sure that drawing the attention of everyone in the world to this fact through a ridiculous lawsuit would be my first cause of action.

Ah well, hope he enjoys the ill-gotten loot…

Crooked Tory bastard in ‘is crooked Tory bastard’ shock

Obviously, as soon as I put up a post defending Boris Johnson, he was bound to do something irretrievably awful. And as if by magic, he comes up with “I’ll ban my biggest rival from standing in 2012, when the Tories are in power and unpopular…

Actually, it’s not entirely clear from the Standard piece whether Mr Johnson is proposing a two-consecutive-terms limit on being mayor, which wouldn’t be a terrible idea, or whether he’s proposing a two-terms-ever limit, which would be pretty much an act of attainder against Ken Livingstone. Ken certainly seems to think he means the latter; we shall see.

We do know for sure that Mr Johnson, entertainingly for a man who promised to stamp out corruption and cronyism, has stuffed his advisory team with members of Westminster Council. Yes, that’s Westminster Council of “we are the corrupt evil bastards who forced council tenants to live in asbestos-ridden accommodation, sold council assets worth tens of millions of pounds to the council leader, and then made no effort whatsoever to get the money back from her when her fraud was proven because she’s our friend and we don’t give a fuck” fame.

Still, at least none of the money they steal this time round will go to minorities or socialists. So that’s OK then…

Order, order – mine’s four bottles of wine, please

Yes, it’s time for the Obligatory Taking The Piss Out Of Guido session, where we mock irritating, litigous tossers for getting arrested while driving drunk.

EJH in ChickYog’s comments has the best gag on the whole saga:

I think my favourite part of the whole story is that he was speaking at the Adam Smith Institute. Perhaps an invisible hand topped up his glass when he wasn’t looking?

Cunt du jour

I’m against the 42-day internment proposal, as is anyone with any sense at all.

However, this kind of twatty opposition almost swings me in favour of it. Count the “I am a despicable bastard and deserve horsewhipped and rubbed in salt” clichés – “Liebour” (at least he doesn’t call them ZaNu Liebour, I suppose), a clever and appropriate “Labour plus swastika logo”, and the PM referred to as “No Mandate Brown” (if you’re so keen on the fucking constitution, you should fucking accept that the Prime Minister isn’t and never has been a democratically elected position), all in a single post.

The dickhead in question also claims to be “a foreigner in my own country” (yeah, all those fucking darkies they let in – best send them home, eh? update – retracted – see below). I’m sure you’ll be unsurprised to learn he’s a fervent campaigner for EU exit and an English parliament, too…

It upsets me that the fucktard calls himself “Wonko”, however. It’s a reference to Douglas Adams’s character, Wonko the Sane – and I always hate it when loathsome rednecks misappropriate the work of brilliant, liberal writers who’d certainly hate all the swivel-eyed nonsense they spout…

Update: Wonko responds. He says “I think Douglas Adams would have been vehemently opposed to the system of apartheid and anti-English discrimination in place now at the hand of the racist Brit-Scots“. I strongly suspect that Douglas Adams would have laughed in mild desperation at the world when he encountered anyone holding such gibberingly insane views; readers, what do you think?

He also points out that the “foreigner in his only country” thing is about being an English nationalist while England is abolished by sinister transnational Scottish-elitist machinations, not about immigration. I do feel slightly guilty about this one: being a conspiraloon is not as bad as being a racist, and so whilst believing the original statement to be utter bollocks, I retract any suggestion that it’s motivated by not liking the darkies…