Alan \’not the minister\’ Johnson writes a puffed-up pompous piece on Iran (summary: \”they\’re mad bastards and they\’re going to kill us all! Time to invade!) using a laboured analogy to Camus\’s La Peste.

First comment:

I\’ve just remembered that Camus\’s most famous novel tells of a man who killed an Arab because of \’the glare of the sun\’, and then shot more bullets into his corpse.

(yes, I know Persians aren\’t Arab. Fuck off…)

Cunting rozzers

I don\’t always agree with DK, but this is spot on. Read, oppose, stone the policemen of Redruth to death, etc.

Sometimes bad shit happens

If you think the admittedly unusual event of five people being stabbed to death in a particular 24-hour period means anything at all in terms of Society, Oh My God, Society, We\’re All Going To Die, It\’s So Broken, Yoof Of Today bullshit, then you\’re a fucking idiot who doesn\’t understand statistics.

Five stabbings doesn\’t matter *in the slightest* in a country of sixty million people – it\’s roughly equivalent to a third of the number of people who died of alcoholic liver disease on Friday. Even in terms of rate-of-change, the fact that it happened in one day is a statistical anomaly, combined with the general propensity of murders to take place at the end of the week and during the summer; the rate over the year is the important figure, and there\’s little evidence that it\’s rising significantly.

If you knew any of the men who died, that\’s sad and you have the right to be upset. If you didn\’t, you don\’t have the right to give a shit, and you certainly don\’t have the right to use the random happenings of their death to go off on some ridiculous rant about bringing back hanging / reducing social inequality / whatever the fuck half-arsed measure you think will stop a few young men from (as they always have everywhere) killing each other in stupid fights.

The fact is, shit happens; people die; if you\’re not an idiot who starts knife fights then your chances of being injured or killed in one are near-zero; and if you are then why the hell should anyone care whethey you life or die…?

Dead Frenchmen

I\’m not a criminologist. However, if it transpires that the unfortunate French chaps who were savagely murdered in New Cross last weekend were killed as part of a burglary, then I\’ll happily suck my own balls.

Even among raving loonies, that level of ultraviolence (not just murder, but this kind of murder) is reserved for people you properly hate, not people whose PlayStation you\’re trying to nick. It\’ll be mistaken identity or nefarious double life, mark my words…

Update: yeah, they were stabbed 240 times for their PIN codes. Right, that\’ll be it; seriously, don\’t Telegraph writers have *any common sense filter AT ALL*?

Also from that piece, while it\’s understandable that one of the students\’ relatives isn\’t thinking straight right now, it\’s still a shame that he\’s fallen for the \”London is a dangerous city compared to Paris or New York\” bullshit. It isn\’t; and – even if these guys transpire to be incredibly unlucky exceptions – nearly everyone who dies a violent death here still brought it on themselves (see also: 16-year-olds who start knife fights…)

Useful idiots, aside from the \’useful\’

If you follow Russian business, you\’ll know that the despicable bastards who run Russia are currently in the process of stealing any vaguely oil-or-gas related assets from Western investors – currently, some crooks are trying to nick BP\’s Russian subsidiary; last year, the government successfully nicked Shell\’s Sakhalin 2 oil field.

Unrelatedly, a grumpy old sod got fired from Shell in the early 1990s and proceeded to sue them. The litigation was settled out of court without anyone admitting anything much, in the way that these things usually are – however, the grumpy old sod in question decided the best use of his now-copious spare time would be to launch a site devoted to hating Shell. Which he duly did. And subsequently, the Russian government\’s ropey-as-hell attempts to take over Sakhalin (oh noes! environmental regulations fail!) relied on misleading documents posted on said grumpy old sod\’s website.

So I hope the grumpy old sod in question lives long enough to be one of the first to freeze to death when the Russians jack up gas prices to $100 per million BTU…

[digresionally, I fucking hate it when non-cave-dwelling non-hippies slate oilcos for \’environmental damage\’. If you drive a car or use electricity, you have no fucking right *whatsoever* to criticise the actions of the oil majors; the problem is you not them.]

Slowly sinking

The last post appears to have stoked up some controversy among fuckwits. A particular idiot says:

I look forward to your tour of the nations’ predominantly white “sink estates” (ZaNuLabour term) explaining to all of these people born into a cycle of poverty and no prospects exactly how this applies to them.

This is moronic because:

a) equating a bunch of mildly-inept-but-no-worst-than-most centre-right politicians to Mugabe\’s genocidal thugs is as witlessly offensive as equating Israel with the Nazis

b) the white British gentlemen (and indeed, the other-coloured British ladies and gentlemen; foreigners fleeing persecution aren\’t so lucky) of this nation\’s predominantly white sink estates are housed, clothed, heated and fed, and enjoy the delights of Sky TV and all the weed they can smoke. This isn\’t much of a way to live, but it beats the lifestyle of at least 75% of the world\’s population into a cocked hat…

(This awesome rant refers.)

It\’s \”white male cunt\” week, yet again

Some daft fuckwit who DK unwisely lets post on his blog is having the traditional \”oooh, look at me, I\’m white and male so I\’m oppressed\” rant.

Fuck you, you stupid prick. Spoken as a white British male – if you\’re lucky enough to be born white, male and British, your reserves of luck relative to the average person-who-is-born are so *enormously, vastly fucking enormous* that uttering one fucking moronic lying retarded word of \’oh noes, the blacks get a better deal than me\’ style nonsense ought to be punished by flaying alive.

If you\’re white, male and British and you think there is something wrong with your life, you may well be correct – but the thing which is wrong with your life is that you, despite being given every opportunity open to you by life, have fucked it up. Stop whining or kill yourself. If you decide to pick the second option, here are some directions.

Teh funny

This is a funny picture. If you find the fact that one of the cyclists died makes it not be a funny picture, then you are a daft cunt. Apparently plenty of the readers of the excellent Failblog are daft cunts.