Filed under Politicking

Celebrity Banker Paedo-Rape Island

FCFT says:

The question everyone really wants to know is whether or not [UK banks] will be paying bonuses, bankers remuneration having joined paedophilia and X-factor as a national obsession

This has given me an excellent new TV idea… as above. Development starts now… this time next year I’ll either be a millionaire, or I’ll have been lynched by an angry mob.

But the beauty is, my lynching by an angry mob will also count as an excellent new TV idea.

Would that it were

So I was doing a bit of drunken-Twitter-trolling:

Even if Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi was guilty, 180 of the people he topped were American and hence don’t count #anywayhewasnt

Of the remainder, 79 were non-Yanks who chose to fly on a Yank airline, and hence clearly of unsound mind #anywayhewasnt

On the other hand, killing 11 innocent Scots is still quite a bad thing to do #anywayhewasnt

At this point, Hungbunny won all of the internets and more, and almost drove me to give up trying to be funny about politics forever, with:

Unless it’s the national football team

Two for one

The Editors (not the pretend-Kasabian band) are irritatingly good. Two sequential paragraphs, both full of utter, completely unrelated to each other, WIN:

The sad fact of American politics is that at least 35-40% of the electorate belongs in a mental institution, and there’s probably another 10-20% who are high-functioning retards. The Congressional numbers are no better. There’s no point in trying to make a deal with these people.

Also, I think the Obama death panels should be run like “American Idol”. Three sassy latte-sipping America-haters give their opinions on which grannies and babies die this week, and then the audience can place their votes by calling in to ACORN. The losers are allowed to survive for another week if they agree to have a Christian doctor forced at gunpoint to give them a sex change operation.

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I like this

From the excellent Angry Young Alex:

if I imply that Libertarians have a problem with black people who advocate higher taxation, or that Jeremy Clarkson has a problem with people from Kibworth Harcourt who install speed cameras, I’m not technically lying. In actual fact I’d imagine most Libertarians are too busy getting angry about other people touching their money to notice creed or colour, and I’ve never heard Jeremy Clarkson specifically rail against Kibworth Harcourt.

…but obviously the smear sticks.

Can you guess the topic where the above is drawn from?

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Shorter Eric Lee

It’s antisemitic to say that Israel is an apartheid state. The fact that Israel meets the internationally recognised definition of an apartheid state is irrelevant, because when you say ‘apartheid state’, that makes people think of South Africa, which did bad apartheid and not the lovely fluffy bunny good apartheid that Israel does.”

Shorter shorter Eric Lee: “You antisemites can prove anything with facts.”

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Perspective, people

I’m not quite Vernon Bogdanor when it comes to UK-constitution-ology.

Nonetheless, I’m not convinced that seeking to compel the monarch to reassert non-ceremonial power, purely because of a scandal that really doesn’t matter very much, is a wise plan likely to lead to better governance and general Good Things.

…and on the expenses thing, while it provides light entertainment and an amusing stick with which to beat appalling people like Jacqui Smith, you really are a massive twat if you view it as much more than that.

The people who run the country get paid more than a milkman, and take the piss on expenses about as much as the average investment banker or management consultant. Well, bugger me sideways, how awful.

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It doesn’t matter *who* shoots the civilians

I’ve finally got around to reading Craig Murray’s The Catholic Orangemen of Togo. Brief book review: it’s fucking excellent; buy it; read it.

However, I don’t quite understand Craig’s, and indeed many other people’s, obsession with ‘mercenaries’. For example:

For me, the really scary thing about [a video where private security company Aegis shot a civilian car in Iraq that drove through a checkpoint] is that it was the subject of a formal United States Army enquiry, which says that the incidents shown were “within standard operating procedures”, as laid down by the US Army, which in effect give Aegis the right to shoot up any car approaching them, in case it is a car bomb.

Aegis were working for the US Army. If Aegis hadn’t been there, then Yank soldiers would have be there, operating to the same rulebook and shooting the same poor buggers who missed the checkpoint. It doesn’t matter in the fucking slightest whether the chaps with guns shooting cars are scared American 21-year-olds or skint, retired-vet South African 45-year-olds, except to the extent that scared troops are more prone to make terrible mistakes than less-scared troops.

The problem is the fucking rulebook that says you can shoot a carload of civilians on suspicion – and suggesting the problem is down to the contractors who do the same bloody thing as the real army is a meaningless cop-out.

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Lies and the lying liars who tell them

What’s crooked? Misrepresenting a scientist in a quote? Maybe not. Misrepresenting a scientist in a quote and refusing to correct your article? Maybe not even that? So, what, then…?

How’s about misrepresenting a scientist in a quote, refusing to correct your article, refusing to publish his refutation on the letters page, and refusing to even publish his comment on the online article? Fuck yeah!

That’s serious terrifying, lying nonsense. Not in a trivial fashion, but in a spreading-myths-about-one-of-the-most-important-things-threatening-the-world fashion. It’s the point where the prospect of legal action against people for telling outrageous and malicious lies actually comes into play… [*]

[*] if you’re a freedom-of-speecher who believes in the abolition of all libel laws, fine; I disagree with you but you’re not an idiot. If you don’t, in a world where you’re allowed to do this kind of shit, but not to call wealthy well-lawyered thieving rapist crook Alisher Usmanov a thieving rapist crook, there is no freedom of speech.

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Chill on the gas, and the utilities

OK, so:
1) the Russian gas freeze doesn’t matter overmuch. It does amusing things to gas prices, but ultimately a whole bunch of other people still make gas so it doesn’t really matter.

2) if utilities passed wholesale prices onto consumers, as an enormous coterie of cod-socialist morons were suggesting would have been a good idea when wholesale oil and gas prices briefly plummeted in the autumn, then – instead of really trivial and non-relevant rises averaged over a couple of years – we’d have actually seen some terrifying “giz a tenner or you’ll freeze”-ness re-enacted.

Conclusion: paranoid freaks get upset about irrelevant nonsense (i.e. it costs fuck all as a % of our income) like energy and food; neither really matters; world continues, aside from the extent to which idiot politicians have bent to accommodate said paranoid freaks.

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