Filed under Miscellany

Post haste

Privatising the Royal Mail is a superb activity, which I wholeheartedly support.

I say this for two-and-a-half reasons – or more accurately, three reasons, one of which I half-believe.

1) it will certainly piss off the gloating lefty twats referred to below.

2) it is also massively unpopular amongst traditional Tory sorts.

Since hardline public sector Trots and social-conservative Tories, together, are the two political groups I’d most like to rub with sandpaper and throw into pits of a salt-and-vinegar mix, these two sell the programme to me in-and-of-itself.

Point number three is the one about efficiency and service quality. I suppose it’s theoretically possible that Deutsche Post or TNT might actually improve matters… after all, they certainly couldn’t make them worse.

However, I don’t really buy the argument that ‘private sector necessarily = better service quality’. Nor do I care; if we can get the service off the taxpayers’ books at the lowest possible cost, then that’s pretty much a win. As it’s of no use for anything whatsoever (anything important will probably be lost/stolen, so best couriered or picked up face-to-face; anything unimportant is unimportant; and online is a far better medium for written person-to-person communication than post in every way anyway…), who gives a fuck whether it collapses or not as long as we’re not paying?

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Recessionballs

Sorry for the disappearance. While I’ve been away, people have mostly been slating the King of Thailand in the comments. Good; he’s a cunt.

This is noncy wank. If you’re depressive, you need help; if you’re not, you don’t; the fact that Wall Street is tragically depleted isn’t going to make a blind sodding bit of business one way or the other.

The most hilarious news over the last month has been the revelation that Germany and Japan, the economies whose wise, prudent examples idiot conservative and hard-left nutjobs think we should have followed, are demonstrably statistically more fucked than either the UK or the US. Bigger falls in income, bigger national debts, less preparedness for recession, less clue what to do about it: check. As Chris Dillow says, the current government have dealt with the global situation about as well as conceivably possible, and no action they could realistically have taken over the prior 10 years would have made things better.

This isn’t going to stop the relentless tirade of ‘why the recession means you need to support my politics‘ bullshit, but it does at least mean that you can jab anyone who makes such claims in the eye with a pencil without feeling guilty about it. Especially if they’re Larry fucking Elliott, who is and always has been an ignorant cunt.

Anyway, whatever. If you’re worried about the recession, don’t be, unless you can’t afford to survive on the dole for a few months, in which case fucking sort it out. It’s a blip; anyone who thinks it’s more than a blip is a tool; we’ll see recovery next year, and by 2015 bankers will be blowing enormous bonus cheques on champagne and hookers all over again whilst nobody else gives a fuck.

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Julie Bindel: world’s biggest idiot

Whilst arguing that people should be locked up for saying mean things, Bindel says:

If it is deemed acceptable for Christians to say that homosexuality is a sin, for example, but not a person interviewing you for a job in a local authority, then that is unfair and hypocritical.

No, the point is, it’s acceptable for me to say that Julie Bindel is a stupid, and breathtakingly ugly, authoritarian lunatic on the Internet; but if I were interviewing her for a job, it wouldn’t be. Similarly for gender and sexuality-related prejudice…

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Social workers: excellent

If I were trying to place two kids who had a heroin-addicted, repeatedly-imprisoned mother in care, the last thing I’d do would be to stick them with their elderly, sick, still-in-touch-with-their-daughter grandparents.

Rather, I’d find a loving childless couple who’d take the children far away from their previous lives. If you disagree with that, you’re an idiot.

The Daily Mail, being run by idiots for idiots, disagrees with that, and has run a long campaign in this specific case against the kids’ interests. Geniusly, after the Mail got involved, the social workers decided to place the kids with a gay couple.

Now, if you think there should be any differentiation between straight and gay couples in terms of adopting kids, you are a revolting bigot who should be sandpapered to death. However, the Daily Mail is read by an enormous swathe of such people. So massive credit to the local social services department for picking a course of action that would, while still serving the kids’ best interest, massively piss off all of the despicable twats who’re outraged by the story. WIN!

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Bloody liberals; bloody libertoonians

They all take shit a bit too seriously. Is there some kind of ideology that doesn’t, or is that a bit contradictory?

All I want to be able to do is to call a black man a raging queen; a homophobe a Nazi; a Klansman a tranny; and a transexual a nigger, without causing offence. Surely that isn’t *so* hard to do…?

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The Robinson Rule, or ‘why the UK is excellent’

In many countries, in order to succeed in life, you need to be born rich, or of a certain colour.

In the UK, all you need to do is to speak in a very-fucking-easy-to-speak-in certain fashion. Scouser Ann Robinson is an excellent example; so is Blue Peter’s Connie Huq; and so is pretty much everyone else in the UK from a working-class background who’s now successful and who’s not a petty twat trying to prove a point.

This is a pretty fucking excellent piece of social mobility. All you have to be arsed to do is watch a bit of telly and speak like it [*], and that pretty much fucking sorts you out. Whilst people who choose to speak like pikies do get a bit dicked over, it’s not like they couldn’t Doolittle themselves up were they to be bothered.

Also, if you’re foreign, you don’t count as common. Again, this is an excellent example of the UK class system in action. In the States, Mexicans are the lowest of the low; in the UK, Poles score well above dirty council charvers…

[*] true dat, negro. shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

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I apologise to Turkish Airlines

In the past, I’ve been slated for slating Turkish Airlines as a rhetorical ‘shit airline’.

Since then, I’ve flown on them and they were actually not at all bad. Not as good as CSA, Jet or WizzAir, but definitely in the absolute top tier of ‘airlines that aren’t based in the UK or places we used to own’. [*]

But even better, they’ve removed an ignorant prick from their flight for whining about how ‘oh noes, the plane is full of Arabs’. Hmm… not sure whether the stupidest thing there is the general bigotry, the logical failure given his beliefs (if the plane is full of Arabs, it’s fairly safe – four or five would be the worry figure…), or the fact that AAAAARGH TURKS AREN’T FUCKING ARABS YOU IDIOT!!!. Probably c.

[*] Singapore, Cathay, Virgin, BA, Qantas… anyone else who’s actually good that I’ve forgotten? Note: if you say KLM or Lufthansa, you’ve clearly not flown KLM or Lufthansa.

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Cats, pigeons

I’ve a new post on DK on how MP expenses are irrelevant: anyone willing to take the wage of an MP for the job of an MP must be either a child, an idiot or a crook – and if they’re a crook it’s better that they’re shafting their allowances, rather than taking bribes to affect public policy.

Despite the fact that I’m really, really obviously right here, I’m expecting pretty much everyone who earns less than an MP to unite in bitter rage against it, whether their preferred more-than-an-MP-earner is Melanie Phillips, Nick Cohen or John Pilger. And I’m expecting pretty much everyone who earns more to stay the fuck out of the debate, or post hypocritical cant pretending that they don’t (see Phillips, Cohen & Pilger, op cit).

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