Filed under Miscellany …

Oct 13 2009
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Miscellany

Admin an’ that

Unrelatedly:
1) the site appears to have turned green. I might have done that; if I did, I was pissed and I have no idea why I might do such a thing. Someone leave a comment if it’s riddled with strange green-turning viruses or summat.

2) the motherfuckers at Twitter seem to have suspended my account. I’m not sure whether that’s because it had the word ‘fuck’ in it, because of my parallel career as a link-spammer, or because of my habit of private-messaging pictures of my penis to anyone with a vaguely female-sounding avatar.

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Oct 13 2009
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Miscellany

A vignette from the life of PDF

Players:
PDF, an offensive Twat
X, a former Lover of PDF

Action:
[PDF and X are discussing PDF's romantic plans]
X: Z is quite pretty and might like you, she does have a boyfriend though.
PDF: That’s OK, does she love him?
X: No, I don’t think they’re going to last long.
PDF: This is fine. I’ve recently decided that it’s OK to date girls who have boyfriends, as long as they don’t love them.
X: I suppose that makes sense.
PDF: …because I’ve realised that with all my exes, they’ve had a boyfriend they didn’t love.
X: [looks sad]
PDF: What? You totally did have one…
X: No, I really loved you.
PDF [simultaneously]: No, I meant at the time I started going out with them, they had another boyfriend they were looking to break up with. Like you did.
Company: [brief slightly embarrassed and yet slightly life-affirming moment]
PDF [ruining it]: C’mon, you seriously think I’m Morrissey enough to actually think you didn’t love me? I’m aware I’m an idiot, but that was the least in doubt ever.
X: My friend’s coming back into the room now, would you like some more wine?

Envy my life.

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Aug 22 2009
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Miscellany

When Sarcasm Goes Wrong

The CEO of pikey supermarket Iceland says:

Petty shoplifting has been decriminalised – it’s not really a crime at all, is it? No one suffers, the shop can afford it. It’s victimless.

He’s being sarcastic, whilst trying to make the case that actually shoplifting is v. v. bad. Unfortunately, he fails, by the means of saying something that’s obviously true and sensible.

Unlike most other forms of theft, shoplifting causes no harm, suffering or trauma to any individual. Even the extra staff time spent dealing with it is paid-for, work time. Hence, minimal or zero punishment for it is appropriate, as it encourages acquisitive criminals to switch from harmful crime to harmless crime.

(he makes the irrelevant point that a very small proportion of shoplifters sometimes use violence or threats against staff when caught. Yes, they do: this is legally classed as ‘robbery’, and people who do it go to jail.)

Aug 22 2009
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Miscellany

“We’ll sell it to builders, fetishists or children”

This is the best money-making scheme ever (watch all three):

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Aug 15 2009
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Miscellany

Wire brush o’clock

Watch this:

If you survive, watch this:

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Jul 31 2009
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Miscellany

Fellatio, cunnilingus and sodomy

American Rightbloggers are appalled that Obama has decided to award the Medal of Freedom to gay rights pioneer Harvey Milk (watch the movie, it’s good, it’s on torrents). The Price Of Freedom Is Eternal Vigilance says:

Only could this moron-in-chief consider giving the Medal of Freedom… for fellatio, cunnilingus, and sodomy

As a strong proponent of fellatio, cunnilingus and sodomy, I’m very glad that the President has decided that proficiency at them (rather than, say, fighting for marginalised community’s civil rights – no, it’s definitely the kinky sex that’s motivated this decision) is worthy of a medal. And there’s an ex-girlfriend I’d definitely put forward on all three criteria.

…but I think awarding the medal to Milk may have been a terrible mistake. As far as I’m aware, his interest in cunnilingus was limited at best – and it’s a heavily practice-and-enthusiasm-based activity. Take the medal away from Milk and award it to [DELETED ON LEGAL ADVICE].

More sarcasm on rightblogger medal reactions here.

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Jul 19 2009
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Miscellany

A man gets hit by a train

Truly horrible and gruesome; don’t watch if squeamish:

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Jul 19 2009
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Miscellany

Disturbing organisation

I can honestly say I don’t want to go to any of the International Dutch Oven Society‘s residential events. Perverts.

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Jul 18 2009
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Miscellany

Warning

This door is alarmed:
handlesurprise

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Jul 18 2009
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Miscellany

WIN

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