Filed under Miscellany

Gotta get a rise

Oh come on – seven years in jail for a bit of macho boy-racing that went wrong?

Look, it is both clear to anyone who’s ever observed senile driving that nobody aged over 65 is capable of driving safely, and clear from earlier press reports that the car driven by a 78-year-old pulled out in front of the boy racer’s – in other words, the three biddies who snuffed it in this case died of their own shit driving, and the fact that there was a bit of a drive-off going on behind them was immaterial.

It’s also noticeable that once again, some daft sod has made up a ’100mph’ reference because the cars were going quite fast and he wants it to sound impressive – and despite the fact that there is no evidence that anyone was driving above 55, that’s become the press tagline for the story.

But never mind that – SPEED KILLS, not driving like a daft old cunt, and we’ve got to make an example of people who dare have fun, especially if they do so in an EVIL fast car.

[side note: I'm entirely in favour of public transport over driving as a sensible means of transport for congestion and environmental reasons, but appreciate the fact that driving good cars fast can be fucking fun. In an ideal world, the minimum speed limit would be 85, driving would only be legal for fun purposes rather than pragmatic ones, and daft old sods who can only afford a shitty Proton that they can't see well enough to drive would be a) banned and b) taxed off the road anyway]

Earn more: eat meat

A new study has found that vegetarians are dead clever, like. But given that you aren’t, and that you can’t be bothered to get a higher degree or learn how to talk proper, best stick with the sausages:

Vegetarians were more likely to be [...] of higher occupational social class and to have higher academic or vocational qualifications than non-vegetarians. However, these differences were not reflected in their annual income, which was similar to that of non-vegetarians.

We may be lazy, ill-educated and common, but people would still rather pay us to work for them…

The right to Di

For some bizarre reason, an old post of Jamie’s has become the discussion for a pro-Diana anti-Royalist civil disobedience group. Rock!

If you’re going to carry a gun, at least learn how to use it

There’s been a lot of complete bollocks talked lately about how the UK has turned into Gun Central, making it more or less impossible to pop out to the shops without a Feral Yoof busting a cap in one’s arse.

The most egregious cunt, possibly of all time, is David Davies, who thinks that Jacqui Smith is ‘covering up’ gun crime statistics and that her comment that ‘gun crime is down’ is “an extraordinary claim”. Actually, it’s correct: while gun crime has risen overall since 1998, it fell in 2006/07 compared to 2005/06.

In the real world, the UK saw 58 firearms-related homicides in 2006/07 (that’s a one in a million chance of being shot dead, paranoia fans), and 413 firearms related incidents that resulted in serious injury (that’s a seven in a million chance of being shot and seriously hurt, paranoia fans). The total number of firearms-related deaths and injuries, including trivial ones, was 3,821 (seventy in a million). The overall number of firearms offences, adding in shootings that missed, robberies at gunpoint, people randomly caught with guns and so on, was 9,600 (180 in a million).

The most disturbing thing about the statistics is how utterly shit our hoodlums appear to be. I’m not a brilliant shot, especially with a pistol (the weapon of choice for gun-toting thugs, shotguns being a little conspicuous, sniping being too much effort, and automatic weapons being hard to get hold of). However, in the event that I did want to shoot someone, I’m fairly sure that even I’d stand a greater than 1-in-10 chance of causing them serious injury…

(stats from the Home Office via this useful BBC article)

Consultation on drugs

(no, *about* drugs, you prat).

The government has commissioned a survey asking Members of the Great British Public to fill out their attitudes on the Drug Problem and how to fight the Drug War. Yes, unfortunately that is roughly the way it’s phrased – however, you can still write in and suggest that sticking junkies in jail is unlikely to help integrate them back into society, that the ‘cannabis has got stronger’ myth is one, and so on…

Link here. Fill it in – you know the prohibitionist twats will.

It’s burning time

Occasional blog commentator [xxx] is the most appalling witch of all time. Should anyone burn her, and provide me with documentary evidence that they’ve picked the correct appalling witch, I shall provide them with money and sexual favours.

Links to examples of [xxx]‘s fuckwittery and/or to her home address are welcome in the comments.

Update: in a misplaced outbreak of morality, I’ve decided to turn this into a ‘guess who I think the most appalling witch who writes blog comments is’ contest. The winner gets money and sexual favours, or neither, depending on personal preference.

Random note

Fuck, I just noticed I haven’t posted anything in a fortnight. This is a sign I’ve been working too hard, and emphatically not a sign that I have too much of a life.

Get a grip, people

The BBC showed an invited audience a slightly misleading trailer for a documentary about an old lady being photographed. Another branch of the BBC picked a child from the studio audience to enter a quiz competion after its phone system went down (and also, 30 years ago, pretended a tortoise hadn’t died).
If you think that these utterly trivial accusations prove anything beyond the fact that BBC’s critics will clutch at any straw in their paranoia, you are silly.
If you think this throws into question whether the BBC should exist, you are bonkers.

Easy questions answered

From the comments at Commentisfree:

Can you please explain how almost every Muslim family in the west is willing to murder, yes murder their daughters if they marry outside their faith?

I can: they aren’t. And you’re a loony.