Filed under God-botherers

…but his opinions on Celebrity Banker Paedo-Rape Island were less positive

Due to a happy juxtaposition of the workings of my comments plug-in, the crazy things that US wingnuts say about Obama’s honours list, and the chosen blog-name of an Indian chap who sometimes comments round these parts, my comments plug-in currently makes the assertion that:

The Buddha Smiled on Fellatio, cunnilingus and sodomy

While I’m sure he was less angry about them than most religious leaders, I’m not sure he’d’ve made quite such a ringing endorsement…

Shorter Eric Lee

It’s antisemitic to say that Israel is an apartheid state. The fact that Israel meets the internationally recognised definition of an apartheid state is irrelevant, because when you say ‘apartheid state’, that makes people think of South Africa, which did bad apartheid and not the lovely fluffy bunny good apartheid that Israel does.”

Shorter shorter Eric Lee: “You antisemites can prove anything with facts.”

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Christmas ‘are you a cunt?’ test

Excellently, Channel 4 is getting the Iranian president, Mr I’m A Dinner Jacket, to present its Alternative Christmas Message.

Now, we all know Mr Jacket is a loony. So opinions on the matter will be split broadly into ‘people who know Mr Jacket is a loony but think it’s fucking hilarious’, ‘people who know Mr Jacket is a loony but don’t give a fuck either way’, and ‘utter cunts who’ll get wound up by Channel 4 giving a PLATFORM!!! to this EVIL!!! HOLOCAUST DENYING!!! ANTISEMITIC!!!…etc’.

The Guardian piece linked above has a nice selection of the final group, exemplified by:

Incredible that they wouldn’t dream of George Bush (senior or junior) giving the address (thank goodness) so why go to this ridiculous extreme? A religious bigot from a hardline theocracy broadcasting on UK television, full of views that would destroy the very framework that allows such a channel to exist….Pim Fortuyn, you are sorely missed.

That particular comment has two excellent additional traits. One is the current right-wing bigot fad of pretending the reason they hate the darkies is because the darkies represent a threat to liberalism, exemplified precisely by Mr Fortuyn [*]; and the other is the implicit recognition that GWB is pretty much as bad as Mr Jacket…

[*] murdered by a secular white loony, lest we forget.

Update: somewhat disappointingly, the speech was nicey-nicey C-of-E moderate religiousness, rather than foam-flecked calls for the destruction of Israel and worldwide Islamic revolution. It’s almost as if the US government’s attempts to demonise Iran and its rulers ahead of their attempted war were ridiculous exaggerated bollocks, or something…

Why religion is great

When I see a rainbow, I think “that’s pretty”, usually followed by “I hope it’ll stop raining soon”.

When Stephen Green sees a rainbow, he thinks “time to get a-hangin’ some bad folks“…

The British Union of Slack-Jawed, Violent Trolls

I’m disappointed my sole BNPite reader left, after I offended him by suggesting that some idiot fuckwits were idiot fuckwits.

Nonetheless, encountering these dim bigoted sods on t’Internet has done a great deal to diffuse my personal version of the horrible, vaguely Current Labour-y stereotype that the Decent Working Classes have all kinds of Serious Reasonable Grievances exacerbated by Illegal Immigrants working to Destroy Our Culture for Unfair Wages, rather than being (e.g.) useless thick cunts, compared to whom even Alf Garnet would sooner employ a Paki or a nigger.

Weirdly, successful, clever, well-adjusted people having a good time with nice lives very seldom fill that bill. Doubtless that’s a Bilderberg conspiracy…

Anyway, the Flying Rodent has a good response to this kind of criticism:

What if support for the far right by ordinary people all over Europe owes less to tyrannical multiculturalism than it does to their cretinous desire to blame all of their personal problems on blacks, PC do-gooders, gays, Poles, criminal-loving lawyers, gypsies and Muslims, to name but a few?

I mean, let’s be honest – when we’re talking about far right politicians, we’re talking about people too stupid to drive cars without smashing them into walls and pulverising themselves into mean-spirited goo.

Quite. Rest in pieces, Mr Haider.

Minor upsides

At least if McCain is elected, it looks like he’ll cut off Yank support for Israel

On that Christian registrar

If you’re a proper Christian, you shouldn’t carry out civil marriages, because you’re condoning fornication in the eyes of God.

If you’re happy to carry out civil marriages but not gay ones, then you’re not a proper Christian, you’re merely a disgusting homophobic hypocrite. Not only should you be sacked; you should be buggered to death by a rhinocerous.

That is all.

Decentya-smackdown-tastic

Alan ‘not the minister’ Johnson writes a puffed-up pompous piece on Iran (summary: “they’re mad bastards and they’re going to kill us all! Time to invade!) using a laboured analogy to Camus’s La Peste.

First comment:

I’ve just remembered that Camus’s most famous novel tells of a man who killed an Arab because of ‘the glare of the sun’, and then shot more bullets into his corpse.

(yes, I know Persians aren’t Arab. Fuck off…)

We get results (nearly)

It’s the official and stated opinion of this blog that BNP cunts should be murdered. So obviously, on reading that BNP cunt Keith Brown had been murdered, we cracked open the champagne [*] in honour of his killer, Habib Khan.

Unfortunately, it transpired that BNP cunt Keith Brown wasn’t murdered at all – rather, Mr Khan stabbed Mr Brown after Mr Brown came to mr Khan’s house, put Mr Khan’s son in a headlock, and threatened to kill him. Now, stabbing the guy to death is certainly disproportionate at this point, but the jury agreed that it was also certainly understandable…

So regrettably, Mr Khan fails to win the halal meat, fried plantain or Polish sausage prize – that’s reserved for someone who kills a BNP cuntist on the grounds of ideology alone, not because he’s a psychotic maniac who’s threatened to kill their son.

[*] non-alcoholic, obviously, as we’re deranged terror supporting Islamist fanatics

Kebab cannibal murder update: it was all bollocks

If you’re a BNP fuckwit, you may have been spending the last year or so spreading the myth that Muslim chaps kidnap white girls and turn them into kebabs. Indeed, you may have been doing so in the comments section of this blog, citing a leak from anonymous Blackpool police sources to the local paper about an ongoing criminal investigation as their ‘evidence’.

If you’re not a BNP fuckwit, it will come as no surprise to you to learn that said ongoing criminal investigation concluded with the acquital of all defendants, ordered by the judge on the basis that the police’s evidence was riddled with lies.

Unfortunately, the story has almost certainly reached urban myth status to the degree that thick cunts everywhere will believe it happened somewhere, despite not having done. Which will almost certainly lead to more mistrust, hatred and violence between thick white cunts and the Saracen hordes. Which is what the BNP wanted in the first place… so of course they don’t give a fuck that the story was made up all along…

Update: for the avoidance of doubt, I’m happy to point out that there were no public communications made from BNP central office regarding this case. But if the people spreading the rumours weren’t BNP supporters, then mine’s a large hat doner…