Pigdogfucker

America is the most unjustifiably arrogant shithole on the planet (I mean, for fuck’s sake – US immigration is hilarious. “No, of course I’m not fucking coming here to work without a visa – what, d’you think I couldn’t get one if I wanted? Do you think I’d choose your poxy country if I was going to fucking emigrate? Cuntards.”)

But it’s always worth remembering that – much as we love to hate the current President – that actually the whole country is based on barbaric, shitheaded arsery. See the latest fiasco: the International Court of Justice suggests that murdering Mexicans based on comedy fake trials would be wrong; the Texas Supreme Court tells the UN to fuck right off; the President suggests that actually, the UN might have a point; the US Supreme Court tells the President to fuck right off; the International Court of Justice says “err, guys, are you like Iran and Saudi, or are you some kind of approximation towards a civilised country?”; and we await the outcome.

(clue: in Iran and Saudi, they top people for fun; in civilised countries they don’t.)

a) George Bush is a fucking tool
b) George Bush is coming to the UK
c) This is a Bad Thing
d) Manticore!!

I’m sent a link to this story, on the grounds that it will really piss me off. And it sort-of does, but not as much as the sender might have expected.

[it’s about a woman in the US who got locked up for 10-20 years aged 19 for some half-arsed drug offences, who escaped from jail after a year, spent 32 years as a fugitive living a respectable suburban life, and who’s now been thrown back into jail after some unspeakable bastard grassed her up].

And indeed, there are elements that piss me off. Anyone who grasses up a non-violent offender to the police should be beaten about the head with an iron bar until they no longer have a head. Also, obviously, the original sentence was gibberingly crazily insane. As we all know, drugs don’t take themselves; while many of the people who sell drugs, as a result of the trade being illegal, are nasty bastards who also shoot and steal, there is nothing any more immoral about the act of selling drugs in itself than the act of selling pie or skydiving lessons [*].

But the actual ‘someone who escaped from jail being sent back there’ thing doesn’t actually upset me all that much. If we’re going to impose deranged sentences on people for non-harmful non-crimes, then the ones who break out of prison shouldn’t be punished any less severaly than the ones who actually stay there, follow the system, endure the torture of jail and try and get paroled…

[*] to pick two activities that, like drug use, are enjoyable but raise one’s chances of untimely death

The headline is hardly news; it’s a well-known fact that joking with Yanks about subjects such as Vietnam, the KKK, 9/11 and Iraq is something that generally doesn’t go down well. As highlighted by the previous post.

[special PDF competition: £100 plus medical bills for the remainder of their life will be paid to the first person to go up to a New York fireman and go with “what’s the odd one out of Vietnam, the KKK, 9/11 and Iraq? 9/11, cos none of the other victims deserved it”]

So my sympathy for pissed-up Northern Irish idiot Aidan Mackle is somewhat limited. Nonetheless, holding a drunken Irishman on terrorist charges for slurring “I’m Bin Laden’s mate and he’ll hijack your plane if you don’t give me more booze” is obviously crazy: if anyone, even for one second, thought the chap was a serious threat then they’re the one who should be locked up forever in a non-reality-based institution…

Update: I forgot to add that American airlines (small final A) are the worst in the world, that all of their crew thoroughly deserve murdered, and that for anyone who flies with them, being murdered by terrorists – or, indeed, being abused by an Irish drunk – would be a merciful release. Genuinely, I would rather fly fucking Aeroflot or Turkish Airlines than subject myself to another transatlantic flight on Delta, NWA, Continental or United. I haven’t yet flown AA, and would sooner grind broken glass into my eyes than do so, so there’s a small possibility I’m being unfair to them and them alone…

As any fule kno, publishing controversial material in England, especially if it concerns evil litigious rich bastards, is unwise.

Many bloggers, me included, host their sites [*] in the US, on the grounds that Yank courts are generally a little bit saner about That Sort Of Thing (yes, I know it doesn’t legally protect me from a libel action in England, but any sue-er would need to demonstrate to an English court that the person they’d dragged into the dock was Mr PDF, which would be difficult without records from my US hosting company).

However, the experience of WikiLeaks suggests that American courts are almost as fucking rubbish as ours. It’s a (truly excellent – as with all freedom-of-information stuff, anyone who opposes it should be crucified and resurrected on an infinite torture cycle forever) site that allows whistleblowers to post for the perusal of the unwashed masses.

Some such documents concerned Nazi-gold-laundering Swiss cunts [**] Julius Baer. The crooks’ bank first issued a writ to WikiLeaks directly for ‘violation of trade secrets’ (oh noes! our sekrits is violateds!). But worse, while that case awaits trial, Julius Baer have served a writ on the doman registrar that manages the wikileaks.org domain banning them from, err, doing their job: instead, the domain points to nowhere.

...which is a bit depressing. On the plus side, there are an awful lot of mirrors where Wikileaks can be activated (also, awesomely, BBC News has a story that links directly to one of the mirrored sites – hooray for misplaced legal actions that massively increase the bad publicity for the fuckwits who bring them). Still, it’s just a shame that the one country that claims to be totally free-speeched up has let the world down on this one.

Relatedly, if you’ve not seen the Northern Rock information memorandum from last autumn, then Wikileaks still has a copy. In some ways, it was daft of NR and the government to try and restrict this one, given that it confirms the fact that the bank really does have a high-quality loans book that’s putting the taxpayer at more or less naff-all risk…

[*] or “site their hosts”, if you prefer

[**] ‘Nazi-gold-laundering Swiss cunts’ is used here as a general synonym for ‘Swiss’ – I have no knowledge of or interest in the question of whether Julius Baer itself laundered Nazi gold, but since Switzerland’s prosperity is based on taking a cut from every thief, fraudster and genocidaire going, it’s certainly profited indirectly from horrible suffering.

The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Understanding Intelligent Design. Further comment may well be redundant.

Those who the gods love die young. Jerry Falwell was 73.

I’m not convinced that slavery reparations are generally a good thing. The fact that the average black American, despite having a lifespan despicably lower than the average white American, has a lifespan despicably higher than the average black African, is an example of how financial costing can’t really make any sense of the whole issue.

However, there is one factor on the basis of which I would massively support the payment of enormous reparations from the UK to pretty much anywhere on the basis of our involvement in the slave trade. Its name is Liverpool.

Slavery was an immaterial criterion in London and Edinburgh’s route to being the financial wealth generation centres of the UK; it was immaterial in Birmingham and Glasgow’s route to being the heavy manufacturing weath generation centre of the UK; and it was immaterial in Manchester’s route to being the cotton processing wealth generation centre of the UK.

Rather, slavery enriched the ‘we’ve got boats and we do fuck all else’ centre of Liverpool.

Since Scousers, despite being in a theoretically better position than most people in the North [*] whine a lot about everything [**], it would be delightful to see them being held personally responsible for the real, rather than made-up-and-whined-about-in-an-irritating-accent suffering of the victims of the slave trade. Maybe we could even enslave, whip and torture the fuckers.

[*] in the UK we don’t make much anymore, but we import a fuck of a lot. Because Scouse dockers are lazy incompetent fucktards, even importing goods to the North of England is now done by making detours to Southampton, Harwich or Rotterdam Europort.

[**] see: footballing death event where Scousers are documented to have urinated and robbed the dead bodies of other Scousers. This is an absolutely true fact. Anyone who mentions it – like (the idiot) Boris Johnson and (the surprisingly praiseworthy, if only for standing up to the Whiny Scouse Cunt lobby) Kelvin McKenzie – gets pilloried, but it is true. If you deny that the bodies of Liverpool supporters were urinated on and robbed by other Liverpool supporters at the Hillsborough disaster, you are a liar and in denial. Most Scousers are liars and in denial.

George W. Bush: apparently quite stupid.

Hating individual people from the US for their nationality is wrong.

Hating the US itself, its actions overseas over the last 200 years [*], the evil bastards who run it, its belief that it’s a force for good, and its belief that it can do anything it likes anywhere it likes to pursue these ‘good’ aims, is entirely right, proper and sensible.

If I met someone who was anti-American in the first sense, I’d think they were a cunt. The same would be true for anyone who wasn’t anti-American in the second sense.

[*] partial exception granted for its reluctant and delayed intervention in Europe 1941-45.