Filed under Crime & Punishment

A murky man with a murky past

Aaron Chapman was a very crooked screw. And Mark Dorling, who murdered him sort-of-by-mistake, was a very dodgy crim-slash-bouncer. A silly tale, overall.

But look which forthright, respectable blogger may also have been involved

The way of the transgressor… is fuckin’ ‘ard, like.

According to the BBC:

It is believed two brothers have become the first people in Wales to be banned by Anti-Social Behaviour Orders (Asbos) from wearing hoodies.

Just for the benefit of anyone who might see them out dressed inappropriately, an artist’s impression of the two brothers is attached below:

Are you a rapist?

If so, I strongly recommend you move to Gloucester, and get the fuck out of Northampton. Do you think this is why Fred West was able to get away with it for so long?

Meanwhile in Edinburgh, you can’t even get away with looking but not touching.

Hang these sick butchers

Animal cruelty prosecutions annoy me. When some drunken chav microwaves a hedgehog or kicks a squirrel to death, it’s hardly an activity worth wasting taxpayers’ money on prosecuting – and indeed, it’s a completely hypocritical nonsense until the day we all become vegans.

However, the latest such prosecution is truly scraping the barrel: a man has been prosecuted for blowing up a dog with a firework. Even though the dog was dead before he found it. For fuck’s sake: even those non-vegetarians who are too squeamish and pathetic to kill animals themselves are happy to desecrate animal corpses in the kitchen. Are chefs and butchers now going to face prosecution?

If it means we can jail Jamie Oliver, I’m up for it.

Freedom and hangings

There have been 13 more executions in Iraq. Unusually, these have been imposed by a court of law rather than by an angry bloke with a gun. I’m proud that we’ve freed the Iraqis to judicially murder other Iraqis.

One minor quibble: according to Iraq’s cabinet, “the competent authorities have today carried out the death sentences of 13 terrorists”. I’m struggling to think of a way in which the Iraqi government could be described as ‘competent’…

Fancy getting away with murder?

Just say you killed the guy because he was a nonce, and the idiots of the jury will be so swayed by paedo-hysteria that you won’t get convicted.

Now, about that “abolition of jury trial” thing… where’s David Blunkett when you need him?

Irving joke

I imagine an important element of the punishment will involve the guards responding to Irving’s complaints about being in prison with “No, you’re not.”

(from this, here).

John Howard is a murderer

Some Aussies have been convicted of heroin trafficking in Indonesia. Unsurprisingly, Indonesia being a barbaric third-world hellhole, the footsoldiers have been sentenced to life imprisonment and the ringleaders have been sentenced to death.

Obviously executing people for supplying substances is about as sensible and proportionate as crucifying people for jaywalking, but barbaric third-world hellholes are entitled to make their own rules. Australia, however, is not a barbaric third-world hellhole. It has decided that imposing the death penalty for supplying substances, or indeed for anything else, is a scummy act which serves only to trivialise and cheapen human life. Good for it.

It’s a bit of a shame, then, that when the Aussies found out about the operation, they decided to kill these poor buggers. The government passed the gang’s details onto Indonesian coppers, rather than arresting them on arrival into Australia and trying them in a justice system that broadly understands the meaning of the word…

Libel me this

On January 29 this year, the Sunday Times reported that a well-connected gang were due in court this month over attempts to bug phonecalls and hack computers. The article named one of the defendants as Matthew Mellon, gazillionaire, shoe tycoon, and ex-husband of Jimmy Choo creator Tamara Mellon. The UK IT press followed up the Sunday Times’s scoop, with organs such as The Register and ZDNet naming Mr Mellon as one of the defendants in court.

ZDNet may regret this decision: the company has issued an apology to Mr Mellon and has agreed to pay him substantial damages. According to ZDNet’s apology, “we accept that our report was entirely untrue and defamatory and that Matthew Mellon has not been arrested or charged in relation to such offences at all“.

This sort of thing occasionally happens, of course: an embarassing mix-up with names, a leak from a dodgy informant, and an innocent man – say, a wealthy shoemaker – has his name dragged through the mud. But it’s all a bit weirder than that: the Register article and the Times article are still live, and neither has issued an apology. If Matthew Mellon “has not been arrested or charged in relation to such offences at all”, surely these organs would have faced the same wrath as ZDNet? The Sunday Times has a rather wider readership, after all.

So, has Mr Mellon been charged? If so, what the hell are his lawyers and ZDNet playing at? If not, what the hell are the Sunday Times playing at? Answers in the usual space…