Pigdogfucker

I’m not a criminologist. However, if it transpires that the unfortunate French chaps who were savagely murdered in New Cross last weekend were killed as part of a burglary, then I’ll happily suck my own balls.

Even among raving loonies, that level of ultraviolence (not just murder, but this kind of murder) is reserved for people you properly hate, not people whose PlayStation you’re trying to nick. It’ll be mistaken identity or nefarious double life, mark my words…

An anonymous contributor writes:

I was thinking it’s very annoying that these lorry drivers are blockading the roads etc, but at least it means they’re not murdering female teenage hitchhikers.

It’s the official and stated opinion of this blog that BNP cunts should be murdered. So obviously, on reading that BNP cunt Keith Brown had been murdered, we cracked open the champagne [*] in honour of his killer, Habib Khan.

Unfortunately, it transpired that BNP cunt Keith Brown wasn’t murdered at all – rather, Mr Khan stabbed Mr Brown after Mr Brown came to mr Khan’s house, put Mr Khan’s son in a headlock, and threatened to kill him. Now, stabbing the guy to death is certainly disproportionate at this point, but the jury agreed that it was also certainly understandable…

So regrettably, Mr Khan fails to win the halal meat, fried plantain or Polish sausage prize – that’s reserved for someone who kills a BNP cuntist on the grounds of ideology alone, not because he’s a psychotic maniac who’s threatened to kill their son.

[*] non-alcoholic, obviously, as we’re deranged terror supporting Islamist fanatics

Obsolete makes sense:

[This is] why Sophie Lancaster’s mother hasn’t received the overwhelming sympathy or coverage that Helen Newlove did; she happened to [be] a youth worker who believed in compassion, letting live and and forgiving, and despite initial and understandable soul-searching about whether she could continue in such a job, she’s decided she will. Contrast that to Newlove: the woman out not for justice, but for apparent vengeance, who gives the kind of quotes the tabloids adore, such as saying how she’d give her husband’s killers the lethal injection herself, while demanding that new, deeply authoritarian and illiberal laws be brought in to stop such youths killing in the future.

When met with individuals who don’t want to pursue a vendetta, or even, God forbid, forgive their tormentors, as Anthony Walker’s mother famously did, they don’t understand it or consider it worthy of further coverage, except to ask how they possibly could do such a thing. The embittered and angry always make for better copy than the reflective ones who want to move on.

I’d agree wholeheartedly, and add Liz Longhurst to the list of the vindictive, vendetta tabloid-tacular side. And of course, this fuels the cycle of hatred, has contributed to everyone being more afraid of crime than they should be, and generally makes the world a worse place for all concerned. While I’m not a Christian, getting rid of “eye-for-eye” and substituting “turn the other cheek” is quality inspirational genius, and is pretty much the foundation of everything that’s good, decent and worth keeping about western civilisation.

On a more personal basis, the people I love know my views about This Sort Of Thing, and are sane liberals rather than deranged medievalists; it’s disappointing to think that in the extremely unlikely event that I were to become the victim of a vile murder, they’d be more or less completely ignored in favour of people who wanted to eviscerate children [*] live on TV…

[*] it’s weird – if anyone other than Helen Newlove were to go public about their desire to kill children, they’d find themselves at best a social pariah and probably in a loony bin within a few days…

It’s National Tackling Drugs Week. Let’s all go tackle some drugs…

Yes, it’s time for the Obligatory Taking The Piss Out Of Guido session, where we mock irritating, litigous tossers for getting arrested while driving drunk.

EJH in ChickYog’s comments has the best gag on the whole saga:

I think my favourite part of the whole story is that he was speaking at the Adam Smith Institute. Perhaps an invisible hand topped up his glass when he wasn’t looking?

So, it transpires that the chap who got stabbed after starting a gang fight in McDonald’s in Oxford Street was a gangland cunt, who’d raped a girl (is “moll” the term for girls who unwisely date gangsters and then screw them over?) and burned her with acid in a revenge attack [*], as well as stabbing some other daft fuckwit in a gang fight.

This a) exactly what I predicted would be the case as soon as I heard the story and b) why I don’t give a shit, and you shouldn’t give a shit, about gangland crime – it happens to people who utterly brought it on themselves. If you don’t want to be shot, stabbed or raped and burned with acid by gangsters, then don’t join a gang, don’t shoot or stab people, and don’t date gangsters. Obviously you might still end up shot, stabbed or raped, but you’re decreasing your chances by around two orders of magnitude…

Meanwhile, knife crime overall continues to fall, although daft propaganda from hysterical maniacs remains on the rise. Amusing feature from the “fuck me, criminals are shit” file: knife crimes are twice as likely to cause injury as gun crimes. Maybe the banning of pistols has actually had a positive impact on crime reduction, ensuring that kids who do have guns have got no fucking clue about how to use the things…

[*] I’d happily bet £500 that the gang-raping-and-acid-burning transpires to be horrible punishment for someone who’s fucked over a gang, not the ludicrous “proto-CSI using acid to hide DNA” nonsense that the tabloids have made up and are spreading as True Fact. Sadly, William Hill don’t think it’s an appropriate subject for wagers…

If you find any of the following “intimidating”, “threatening”, or whatever pathetic term-of-the-day gets used to mean “oooh, I don’t like it, help me mummy”:

1) people drinking
2) people being drunk
3) people being drunk and loud

...then you are a worthless cunt who doesn’t deserve to live.

Yes, if people start actually threatening you (which means “saying they’re going to do bad things to you”, not “being loud and common within your earshot”), that’s a bad thing and they should be arrested. But as long as they don’t, then either shut the fuck up or (preferably) kill yourself and everyone who shares your DNA.

This is doubtless a sign of my heartless inhuman mysogyny, but I saw two news stories today that I struggled to tell apart:

Johnny Vegas sexually molests pretty young fan on stage and Elephant seal attempts to rape penguin...

I’m sent a link to this story, on the grounds that it will really piss me off. And it sort-of does, but not as much as the sender might have expected.

[it’s about a woman in the US who got locked up for 10-20 years aged 19 for some half-arsed drug offences, who escaped from jail after a year, spent 32 years as a fugitive living a respectable suburban life, and who’s now been thrown back into jail after some unspeakable bastard grassed her up].

And indeed, there are elements that piss me off. Anyone who grasses up a non-violent offender to the police should be beaten about the head with an iron bar until they no longer have a head. Also, obviously, the original sentence was gibberingly crazily insane. As we all know, drugs don’t take themselves; while many of the people who sell drugs, as a result of the trade being illegal, are nasty bastards who also shoot and steal, there is nothing any more immoral about the act of selling drugs in itself than the act of selling pie or skydiving lessons [*].

But the actual ‘someone who escaped from jail being sent back there’ thing doesn’t actually upset me all that much. If we’re going to impose deranged sentences on people for non-harmful non-crimes, then the ones who break out of prison shouldn’t be punished any less severaly than the ones who actually stay there, follow the system, endure the torture of jail and try and get paroled…

[*] to pick two activities that, like drug use, are enjoyable but raise one’s chances of untimely death