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Chill on the gas, and the utilities

OK, so:
1) the Russian gas freeze doesn\’t matter overmuch. It does amusing things to gas prices, but ultimately a whole bunch of other people still make gas so it doesn\’t really matter.

2) if utilities passed wholesale prices onto consumers, as an enormous coterie of cod-socialist morons were suggesting would have been a good idea when wholesale oil and gas prices briefly plummeted in the autumn, then – instead of really trivial and non-relevant rises averaged over a couple of years – we\’d have actually seen some terrifying \”giz a tenner or you\’ll freeze\”-ness re-enacted.

Conclusion: paranoid freaks get upset about irrelevant nonsense (i.e. it costs fuck all as a % of our income) like energy and food; neither really matters; world continues, aside from the extent to which idiot politicians have bent to accommodate said paranoid freaks.

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It\’s wine and it\’s fucking wahey, in a glass

Say what you like about Cuba – and the odds are, the more of a miserable cunt you are, the worse it\’ll be [*] – but where else do they make a wine called The Castle of Wahey!

[*] see also, for crazy paranoia, all commentators about now, ever. \’collapse of market capitalism\’; \’triumph of Bottler Brown\’s ZaNu Labour regime\’. Both of you lot are cunts: right now is a piece of mild shittery that\’s happening. Tis all.

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Cock up your beaver

First with the news that matters:

There\’s a gnawing problem in the British countryside – a giant beaver on the loose, wreaking havoc in southwest England. And his owner reckons there\’s only one thing that can lure the lovelorn rodent back into captivity: the scent of a female of the species.

(thanks to Flying Rodent for title inspiration)


Upholding fine British traditions

Brian Moore\’s piece on Steven Gerrard\’s arrest mirrors my thoughts exactly.

The only other thing I\’d add is that this is another example of daft government controlfreakery. In the past, this is precisely the sort of trivial nobody-really-hurt, all-violence-thoroughly-consenting drunken punch-up that would\’ve been dealt with by arresting everyone and letting them go once they\’d sobered up.

Now, the rozzers more or less have to press charges, despite the fact that doing so will help absolutely nobody (well, it might help the \’victim\’ to claim some extra compo, which is presumably why he\’s pressing charges. Well, either that or he\’s just a cunt.)

And no, I\’m not a Liverpool fan, nor do I particularly give a shit about Steven Gerrard – just, I don\’t think bringing people into the criminal justice system for harmless alcohol-related disorder is a sensible use of resources, or terribly fair.

Update: apparently the \’victim\’ was a DJ called Marcus McGee. Good. I hate DJs, they\’re all smug arrogant cunts who deserve a thorough beating. Shame he didn\’t die.

Update 2: Not only was he a fucking DJ, he was a double-glazing salesman. Hahaha! And yes, it was indeed the \’victim\’ who started it. Hopefully a pack of angry Scousers will burn down his house.

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If I offered you Tim, you\’d be wrong to say yes

…for the evil Tim does would be hard to assess.

And besides, he\’s inclined to libertoonian-ness…

Have some middle-aged-retired-accountant-wars, m\’dear!


Bias towards reality

Weapons-grade dickhead Tim Montgomerie has a handy guide for cunts on \’ingrained BBC biases\’. Although most of them seem to be more like \’areas where the BBC reflects reality\’:

Anti-Americanism and hostility towards Israel.

Hostility? To Israel? Why the fuck would anyone be hostile towards Israel? (use of Telegraph link deliberate: even they can\’t spin the latest bout of murderous evil as the Palestinians\’ fault…)

Support for popular views on climate change.

This one is kinda true – in that popular opinion on climate change is split, whereas scientific opinion (note: engineers and programmers with blogs are not scientists) isn\’t, and the BBC doesn\’t do enough to highlight the extent to which anti-AGW opinion is considered marginal among people who understand the science. However, I don\’t think this is the angle Mr Montgomerie is coming from…

A constant tendency to see issues through urban rather than rural eyes.

The fucking country is fucking urban
. 81% of us live in cities or large towns, and 90% live in towns of some description. So of course issues are presented through urban eyes…

Christmas \’are you a cunt?\’ test

Excellently, Channel 4 is getting the Iranian president, Mr I\’m A Dinner Jacket, to present its Alternative Christmas Message.

Now, we all know Mr Jacket is a loony. So opinions on the matter will be split broadly into \’people who know Mr Jacket is a loony but think it\’s fucking hilarious\’, \’people who know Mr Jacket is a loony but don\’t give a fuck either way\’, and \’utter cunts who\’ll get wound up by Channel 4 giving a PLATFORM!!! to this EVIL!!! HOLOCAUST DENYING!!! ANTISEMITIC!!!…etc\’.

The Guardian piece linked above has a nice selection of the final group, exemplified by:

Incredible that they wouldn\’t dream of George Bush (senior or junior) giving the address (thank goodness) so why go to this ridiculous extreme? A religious bigot from a hardline theocracy broadcasting on UK television, full of views that would destroy the very framework that allows such a channel to exist….Pim Fortuyn, you are sorely missed.

That particular comment has two excellent additional traits. One is the current right-wing bigot fad of pretending the reason they hate the darkies is because the darkies represent a threat to liberalism, exemplified precisely by Mr Fortuyn [*]; and the other is the implicit recognition that GWB is pretty much as bad as Mr Jacket…

[*] murdered by a secular white loony, lest we forget.

Update: somewhat disappointingly, the speech was nicey-nicey C-of-E moderate religiousness, rather than foam-flecked calls for the destruction of Israel and worldwide Islamic revolution. It\’s almost as if the US government\’s attempts to demonise Iran and its rulers ahead of their attempted war were ridiculous exaggerated bollocks, or something…

Niggardly prickmadam

Adam Laceky has an excellent list of words which sound like they should be rude, but aren\’t, along with usage guides:

Incorrect usage in conversation:
“I’m a real horehound, but I don’t have $50 to pay a prickmadam to let me do the Dicky grind in her cooter, so you’ll have to excuse me while I go crank my hand organ.”
“Better not do it in the shittah. It’s infested with cockchafers.”

(he does, however, appear to have made up his definition for the phrase \’dicky grind\’, which only otherwise appears on the Internet in reviews of lapdancing clubs)

Well, that was fun

So, my \’fix\’ wasn\’t exactly perfect – the Chinese hackers in question managed to put the site out of action again after a couple of days. Then, really terrifyingly, they managed to hack the straight HTML page that I\’d put up as a temporary placeholder… surely that can\’t, err, happen?

Anyway. If you visited the temporary placeholder site using IE between about Dec 21 and the afternoon of Dec 23, you might want to run a spyware and antivirus check (although presumably if you\’re browsing the Internet using IE, then you\’re running said checks every day of every week anyway, right?). Sorry about that.

More offensive content and a new theme shortly.

A victory for cunts

The sacking of Sharon Shoesmith despite having done nothing wrong (yeah, \’damning report\’ blah. Her department was clearly no more inept than most private or public sector organisations, based on the conclusions of the report – it\’s just that most people get to hide their mild fuckups rather than having them on the front page of the Scum) is an excellent way of discouraging anyone vaguely competent or ambitious from ever working in the public sector.

I mean, fuck – she\’s clearly someone who\’s talented, has an excellent past record, and – vitally important for any manager – is more loyal to her staff than to the collection of despicable bastards who make up The General Public. And for some unavoidable and minor mistakes (yeah, with serious consequences blah), she\’s lost her job with no pay-off. Anyone who thinks that\’s the right outcome should be tortured to death by a sadistic Nazi and his brother, whilst a devious witch lies convincingly to the authorities that there\’s nothing going on. If they then blame the authorities for their plight instead of the people who were actually responsible for it, then the levels of torturing should be doubled.