Posted by PDF

Perspective, people

I\’m not quite Vernon Bogdanor when it comes to UK-constitution-ology.

Nonetheless, I\’m not convinced that seeking to compel the monarch to reassert non-ceremonial power, purely because of a scandal that really doesn\’t matter very much, is a wise plan likely to lead to better governance and general Good Things.

…and on the expenses thing, while it provides light entertainment and an amusing stick with which to beat appalling people like Jacqui Smith, you really are a massive twat if you view it as much more than that.

The people who run the country get paid more than a milkman, and take the piss on expenses about as much as the average investment banker or management consultant. Well, bugger me sideways, how awful.


Abolish libel laws

Only an imbecile could possibly support libel laws.

1) they provide no protection to innocent everyday people defamed by the newspapers, as innocent everyday people can\’t afford expensive QCs.

2) they provide a great deal of protection to crooked oligarchs, murderous quacks, terrorist-funding despots, and other despicable bastards.

I accept that in theory, some protection under 1 might be nice for society to provide – but on the other hand, fuck it. If the News of the World ran something properly damaging, like \’PDF killed Baby P and lives at 422 Blenheim Mansions\’, then they should be thrown in jail for incitement to murder. If the News of the World ran \’PDF is a liar and an idiot\’, then really, so what?

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It doesn\’t matter *who* shoots the civilians

I\’ve finally got around to reading Craig Murray\’s The Catholic Orangemen of Togo. Brief book review: it\’s fucking excellent; buy it; read it.

However, I don\’t quite understand Craig\’s, and indeed many other people\’s, obsession with \’mercenaries\’. For example:

For me, the really scary thing about [a video where private security company Aegis shot a civilian car in Iraq that drove through a checkpoint] is that it was the subject of a formal United States Army enquiry, which says that the incidents shown were \”within standard operating procedures\”, as laid down by the US Army, which in effect give Aegis the right to shoot up any car approaching them, in case it is a car bomb.

Aegis were working for the US Army. If Aegis hadn\’t been there, then Yank soldiers would have be there, operating to the same rulebook and shooting the same poor buggers who missed the checkpoint. It doesn\’t matter in the fucking slightest whether the chaps with guns shooting cars are scared American 21-year-olds or skint, retired-vet South African 45-year-olds, except to the extent that scared troops are more prone to make terrible mistakes than less-scared troops.

The problem is the fucking rulebook that says you can shoot a carload of civilians on suspicion – and suggesting the problem is down to the contractors who do the same bloody thing as the real army is a meaningless cop-out.

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A family that needs murdering

…as does whichever cunt in the CPS pressed charges:

The photographer, Pericles Antoniou, 53, was on holiday in London with his family when, on 17 April, he was arrested in the London tube by police officers. Antoniou, as he described the event in a letter to the Greek ambassador in London, was on his way to visit the photo exhibition of Russian photographer and painter Rochenko when he started taking pictures of people in the London tube.

‘A lady complained about the fact that I was taking photos of her daughter,’ wrote Antoniou. ‘I apologized immediately, as the ethics and common practice of photographers dictates, I showed the lady the photos I had taken of her daughter, and I erased every photo which contained her.’

However, a man claiming to be the girl’s father pursued the Greek photographer and asked police officers to arrest him. Antoniou has since been charged under the Public Order Act of 1986, articles 5 and 6 for ‘public harassment,\’ and causing \’alarm or distress.’

You can just picture the family who\’d do that, can\’t you? Neckless, tattooed Millwall fan for a dad; screeching chain-smoking harpy for a mum; paranoid that WEIRD FOREIGN PEEEEEDOS are out to get their grossly obese, barely sentient daughter. \”Ya caaan\’t take her fackin\’ picture, it\’s against our bleedin\’ \’uman rights, ya bubble caaant…\’. If they lived in Portsmouth, there\’d be half a dozen paediatricians buried under their patio.

Although, it\’s a shame Mr Antoniou is just an innocent foreign tourist and not a murdering paedophile. Given that little Waynetta will doubtless knock out dozens of equally appalling sproglings starting at the age of 12, a bit of preemptive burial-in-shallow-grave would be by far the best outcome for society…

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Back, you fuckers

Despite rumours of swine flu, or possibly swinecaninefucking flu, assassination, imprisonment, and/or conspiracy to take over the world. I\’d like to make it clear PDF is back on the scene.

And laughing his fucking head off at the people who think the current MP scandal shows that the institution has become debased. In 1920, MPs were paid twice their current salary as a proportion of the national wage -and Lloyd George still had to sell peerages to all comers (not in a Blairite \’big donors are likely to be seen right\’ way, but in a \’here\’s the price list, tick the box\’ way) to appease his greed.

And he was one of the best PMs we ever had… which I guess may be the difference with the current government.

Oh, also bring on the Gurkhas. Can we invite every other selection of mental foreign killers with sharp knives over, too, and then move them in next door to Nick Griffin?

Chainsaw suicide advice

Ben Goldacre is distraught about a Telegraph piece on an epically dramatic suicide that reproduces details of the author\’s methodology.

He argues that, because there\’s evidence that gruesome and detailed coverage of suicides can contribute to raised suicide rates in the population, the media shouldn\’t report on them.

My view is that this is bollocks: it works only if you think that a few extra deaths isn\’t a trade-off worth making for great entertainment. And given the way society works, either you\’re a pretty despicable puritan, or you do – whether you realise it or not – believe that said trade-off is worth making.

Otherwise you\’d not only ban boxing (I\’m aware that some idiots do want to ban boxing; fuck them, obviously), but also every other activity which is purely fun rather than \’useful\’ and which has the potential to kill people.

So as a result, and because the miserable sods at the Telegraph lack the courage of their convictions and so have taken the piece down, I\’ve reproduced the \’could be useful advice\’ part here. Although I\’ve anonymised, because it doesn\’t matter in the slightest who the chap is, hence no reason to associate his family\’s name with it:

[Mr X] tied the Black & Decker tool to a leg of a snooker table in his lounge, taped up the on-button and plugged it into a timer.

[Mr X], who had consumed a small quantity of alcohol but no drugs, then lay down under the snooker table face up and placed the chainsaw against his neck. A piece of the tool\’s cardboard box initially cushioned the blades from his neck.

The hearing heard that the timer, which is usually used to turn lights on and off, was fixed to start up the chainsaw for 15 minutes.
When it activated, it sliced three-quarters through his neck and across into his right shoulder only stopping from a complete severing when his t-shirt was dragged into the blades.

That\’s a pretty good effort. Lesson: don\’t wear a t-shirt if you want to do a proper self-topping.

(as it happens, my dad knew someone who decapitated himself with a chainsaw accidentally. Surprisingly easy to do if you\’re cutting above your shoulder height and at the limits of your reach, apparently…)

Finally, Ben\’s piece is slightly personalised with a \’I know the horrible effects of suicide and of media-reported violent death on the family\’-ness. While as an anonymous blogger I\’m asking you to take this on trust, I think it\’s fair for me to make the point that I\’m so fucking far ahead of Goldacre on that score it isn\’t funny. So any Samaritanists, touchy-feely-ists, well-meaning-ists, etc who take issues with this piece on \’you don\’t understand the horrors of it all\’ grounds can, with the best will in the world, go and fuck themselves.

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Keeping score

So, at the end of the G20 protests, the filth are 1-0 up against the civilised world.

I\’m hoping for a serious turnaround in protesters\’ form at the rematch. We want some serious rozzer body-count next time round, not just hippy songs and whining about having to piss in the street…

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Post haste

Privatising the Royal Mail is a superb activity, which I wholeheartedly support.

I say this for two-and-a-half reasons – or more accurately, three reasons, one of which I half-believe.

1) it will certainly piss off the gloating lefty twats referred to below.

2) it is also massively unpopular amongst traditional Tory sorts.

Since hardline public sector Trots and social-conservative Tories, together, are the two political groups I\’d most like to rub with sandpaper and throw into pits of a salt-and-vinegar mix, these two sell the programme to me in-and-of-itself.

Point number three is the one about efficiency and service quality. I suppose it\’s theoretically possible that Deutsche Post or TNT might actually improve matters… after all, they certainly couldn\’t make them worse.

However, I don\’t really buy the argument that \’private sector necessarily = better service quality\’. Nor do I care; if we can get the service off the taxpayers\’ books at the lowest possible cost, then that\’s pretty much a win. As it\’s of no use for anything whatsoever (anything important will probably be lost/stolen, so best couriered or picked up face-to-face; anything unimportant is unimportant; and online is a far better medium for written person-to-person communication than post in every way anyway…), who gives a fuck whether it collapses or not as long as we\’re not paying?

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Sorry for the disappearance. While I\’ve been away, people have mostly been slating the King of Thailand in the comments. Good; he\’s a cunt.

This is noncy wank. If you\’re depressive, you need help; if you\’re not, you don\’t; the fact that Wall Street is tragically depleted isn\’t going to make a blind sodding bit of business one way or the other.

The most hilarious news over the last month has been the revelation that Germany and Japan, the economies whose wise, prudent examples idiot conservative and hard-left nutjobs think we should have followed, are demonstrably statistically more fucked than either the UK or the US. Bigger falls in income, bigger national debts, less preparedness for recession, less clue what to do about it: check. As Chris Dillow says, the current government have dealt with the global situation about as well as conceivably possible, and no action they could realistically have taken over the prior 10 years would have made things better.

This isn\’t going to stop the relentless tirade of \’why the recession means you need to support my politics\’ bullshit, but it does at least mean that you can jab anyone who makes such claims in the eye with a pencil without feeling guilty about it. Especially if they\’re Larry fucking Elliott, who is and always has been an ignorant cunt.

Anyway, whatever. If you\’re worried about the recession, don\’t be, unless you can\’t afford to survive on the dole for a few months, in which case fucking sort it out. It\’s a blip; anyone who thinks it\’s more than a blip is a tool; we\’ll see recovery next year, and by 2015 bankers will be blowing enormous bonus cheques on champagne and hookers all over again whilst nobody else gives a fuck.


Julie Bindel: world\’s biggest idiot

Whilst arguing that people should be locked up for saying mean things, Bindel says:

If it is deemed acceptable for Christians to say that homosexuality is a sin, for example, but not a person interviewing you for a job in a local authority, then that is unfair and hypocritical.

No, the point is, it\’s acceptable for me to say that Julie Bindel is a stupid, and breathtakingly ugly, authoritarian lunatic on the Internet; but if I were interviewing her for a job, it wouldn\’t be. Similarly for gender and sexuality-related prejudice…

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