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The data clearly shows otherwise

According to the BBC, “UK among worst ‘binge drinkers”. Nonsense, we’re among the three best!

Anti-crime fundays

Always a highly effective way of reducing crime.

“Would you rather” of the week

A bath with Rory McGrath, or a shower with Jack Bauer?

Let this be a warning

I’m not generally a fan of random murderous attacks. But if the yoof who got stabbed on a long distance train yesterday had been, say, going through every ring-tone on his mobile, or playing crap mp3s at boombox volume to the whole carriage, or sitting with his feet on the seat opposite, then the outcome would have been wholly just and proportionate.

Update: no, it sounds like he merely got involved in some horrible chavs’ domestic. Also unwise, but certainly not reprehensible. Poor bugger.

Update 2: aah, geeks.

Shorter European Media Forum

Commercial radio stations are shit and radio adverts are the most painful and annoying torture devices ever invented, so everyone listens to the BBC instead. This isn’t fair on the idiots who run commercial radio stations, so we should annoy everyone else by forcing Radio 1 and Radio 2 to have adverts.

Unfair summary? No, not really.

You mean like ASBOs?

According to the BBC, “composting has… been credited with banishing vermin from
inner-London estates”.

Surprise!

A Tiny Revolution has dug up an excellent digression from the 9/11 Commission report, which was somewhat overshadowed by the report’s other contents on first release: 

Days after 9/11, a senior Pentagon official lamented the lack of good targets in Afghanistan and proposed instead U.S. military attacks in South America or Southeast Asia as “a surprise to the terrorists”.

Yup, that ought to surprise them. Unsurprisingly, ATR and its commenters have some good ideas on other possible courses of action that might have surprised the terrorists. The best so far is:

Begin a thorough investigation of what actually happened on 9/11 and craft an appropriate response which included capturing and trying those still alive who planned the attacks and fire everyone in government whose incompetence or negligence allowed it to happen.

Actually, I think that might be a little bit too outlandish (via Alex).

Thanks for sharing, Mr Psychologist

I know what the BBC’s article on German cannibal and now-life-imprisonee Armin Meiwes is trying to say, but –

In a key moment, a psychologist said Meiwes could reoffend and he himself had admitted he still had fantasies about devouring the flesh of attractive young people.

…doesn’t quite convey the meaning intended.

“This man is a dangerous cannibal who could reoffend. And I should know, because I fantasize about devouring the flesh of attractive young people. Oh fuck, did I say that out loud?”

That “deport all foreign prisoners” thing

If we start deporting all foreigners who get convicted of crimes, we’ll inevitably run into more cases like that of Ernesto Leal, where long-time British residents who’ve contributed to the community they live in get thrown out for doing one stupid thing (as well as receiving the actual punishment laid down in law). This seems disproportionate, rubbish and stupid, because it is.

And if you start spouting pompous arse like:

I believe that anyone in the country, who is not a citizen, is here as our guest, on sufferance, and any significant misdemeanour means they have abused our hospitality and should leave forthwith

…then I hope you get shot by some angry Somali. Pretentious cunt. I hate this pseudo-American crap about Citizens and Guests and Hospitality. We’re People. So Are They. If You Think Your Country Of Birth Makes You Better Than Them, Then You’re A Cunt And Should Die. Nothing Else To See Here, Fuck Off.