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How do you solve a problem like [stupid philosophy thought experiment]?

Assuming that person B has previously done nothing terribly bad to person A, how bad is it if person B stoves person A’s head in with a brick?

What if person A has raped person B’s daughter? What about if person A has statutorily raped person B’s daughter? What about if person A is Nick Griffin, and person B is a Jew? What about if person B has killed person A’s brother, but person A doesn’t realise?

I reckon thought experiments are pretty fucking stupid, having done a degree in them. But feel free to post your favourite ones here, and we can, err, investigate them fully without mocking you for being an idiot or anything.

Obituary update

If I were to say “ding dong, the witch is dead”, that might provoke unfair exciitement among my more left-of-centre readers. So I’ll stick with the news that the bigot, liar and professional Muslim-hater Oriana Fallaci has snuffed it. Good.

Why I support and endorse terrorism and terrorists

In the vague hope that people who (without any apparent satirical intent) write this kind of thing:

1. True or False?

Liberals who attack Bush/defend terrorism do so because terrorism (like Communism) promises them the structure and discipline they, like so many spoiled brats, sorely lack and subconsciously crave.

Conservative answer: Sad but true

…will be the first to be exploded, even though I know that that theory has been empirically disproven.

They all look the same, so they should all die

This reminded me of this, in a “history repeating as farce” kind of way. Bloody hell, people are wankers.

In memoriam

Coming from an evil bastard like Mr Eugenides, this is surprisingly touching.

However, it does bring to mind the old saw that young victims of sudden death, whether through murder, accident, disease or other tragedy, are always lovely, wonderful people who help disadvantaged children and love their mothers (an extreme example).

Fate, like Al Qaeda, does an excellent job of saving the curmudgeonly sods who steal from widows and orphans, the people whose leisure time is spent masturbating in seedy booths and fighting in seedy bars, the people whose mothers despair for them. And this is precisely why I’m not scared of the terrorists…

That phrase does not mean what you think it does

Neither “in all seriousness” nor “the totalitarian left”:

Finally, there are the downright vicious ones from people who, in all seriousness, say they would consign me, for instance, to the gas chambers. Now here’s a funny thing. They all come from the totalitarian left. Odd, that. (Not.) They don’t like it up ‘em, do they?

I suppose it’s possible he’s had more than one gassing threat lately. Dozens, even. The fact that someone seeking to defend right-wing political thought from the Leftofascists and the Islamofascists faces such widespread intimidation is a clear indication of spiralling levels of antisemitism and holocaust denial. And it’s almost certainly the Muslims’ fault.

Fuck courtesy, you daft cunt

The anti-Blair demonstration at the north London Potemkin school the other day was hilarious. Lenin has a horse’s-mouth account, but effectively it involved sixth-formers defying politically-cowed teachers to deliver the same message to Blair that any sane person would want to deliver (i.e. “fuck off and die”).

Wingnutblogger Prodicus is an idiot, on the other hand:

I despise those who teach children to be rude to Prime Ministers – even this one – and who use them as cannon fodder. They should leave that to Hamas and Hezbollah.

Fuck that. Everyone should be rude to Prime Ministers; everyone should be rude to every cunt who tries to assert their authority over others. This particular PM deserves it more than others thanks to his erosion of civil liberties and his complicity in American and Israeli Ayrab-slaughtering, but that isn’t really the point. Nobody deserves respect merely for their title, and nobody should ever defer to anyone, ever. If you think otherwise, you’re a daft little reactionary poodle, and I will be there laughing in your face when the people to whom you kowtow defecate on your head from a great height.

Also, likening a harmless and amusing school protest to the use of children as soldiers and human bombs is the most offensive metaphor since I said “cunts like Prodicus should be sent to Poland and gassed in the showers”. Which was just now.

The Devil, wrongly, half-approves of Prodicus on this issue. But at least he has the decency to focus on Lenin’s communist leanings, rather than suggesting that Tony Blair deserves any respect of any kind whatsoever.

File this one under ‘obvious’

Even the US Senate now admits that there was no connection between Saddam and September 11. Obviously, right-wing nutjobs will continue to believe it until the Rapture.

No, this is all wrong

People who don’t like rock are the ones who ought to be stabbed in the eyes

Ignorant bigot smackdown: special Londonistan edition

Based on no evidence whatsoever, a gaggle of gibbering lunatics (mostly in the US, as one might expect) has created a new myth that antisemitism is rife in the UK and that Jews will be attacked wherever they go.

This is rubbish. Despite the Lebanon crisis, only 92 antisemitic incidents – ranging from grafitti to verbal abuse in the street – were reported in July 2006. The number is certain to fall in August, now that Lebanon is largely forgotten in the public eye. 92 antisemitic incidents is 92 too many, but suggesting that this represents anything other than a minor nuisance is staring-eyed gibbering paranoia.

The most brilliantly ignorant-bordering-on-insane article I’ve seen recently is Thank The Beeb For Jew Hatred by James Lewis. Yes, that’s its actual title. The opinions are gloriously bonkers, and the facts are quite spectacularly incorrect. I’ll stick to the latter for the time being… 

London has two million Pakistanis, who have been taught to hate Jews all of their lives, while Jewish votes are now scattered among electoral districts…

As of the 2001 census, London had 142,749 Pakistanis (by ethnic group, not by birth), compared to 149,789 Jews. In case you’re slightly less ignorant than Mr Lewis and were wondering about non-Pakistani Muslims, out of London’s entire population of 7,172,091 people, 607,083 claim to be Muslim. This may have changed slightly since 2001 – although the biggest demographic change in London since then is the influx of white Christian workers from eastern Europe, so I doubt it.

In terms of “scattering” versus clustering, 149,789 of England and Wales’s 255,927 Jews live in London (59%), compared to 142,749 of England and Wales’s 714,826 Pakistanis (20%). This doesn’t provide obvious support for Mr Lewis’s point.

Friday sermons at Finsbury Park Mosque and elsewhere stir up sadistic mobs in exactly the way they have always done in Arabia and Pakistan. What do you expect, after importing two million brainwashed Pakistanis? They have just moved Peshawar to Finsbury.  

Mr Lewis would seem to be a few years behind the time here: the Finsbury Park mosque was turned from an extremist mosque to a normal mosque after it was raided by the police in 2003. Unless he’s suggesting that all normal mosques are extremist hate-mongers, in which case why bother mentioning the Finsbury Park mosque at all? It’s also worth noting that the mosque is predominantly attended by north Africans.

He’s also drastically wrong on geography and demography. Finsbury has one of the smallest minority populations in inner London, being 76% white compared to 71% for the city as a whole. I’m not sure why Mr Lewis is comparing an area 3.7 miles’ drive from the mosque to Peshawa, though.

Let’s assume, charitably, that he’s an idiot and therefore doesn’t understand that Finsbury and Finsbury Park are completely different areas. It’s not easy to get stats for Finsbury Park as a community, because the area is split between the boroughs of Islington, Hackney and Harringey – but you can get data for the local government ward that contains the mosque itself.

This shows the area’s largest minority group is “Other White”, followed by “Irish”, “Black African”, “Black Caribbean”, “Mixed”, “Bangladeshi”, “Chinese”, “Indian”, “Other Ethnic Group”, “Other Black”, “Other Asian”, and “Pakistani”. Yup, Pakistanis are the smallest ethnic group in the area.

For such a gloriously wrong-premised article, I feel Mr Lewis deserves some kind of prize. Suggestions are welcome.