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Gotta get a rise

Oh come on – seven years in jail for a bit of macho boy-racing that went wrong?

Look, it is both clear to anyone who’s ever observed senile driving that nobody aged over 65 is capable of driving safely, and clear from earlier press reports that the car driven by a 78-year-old pulled out in front of the boy racer’s – in other words, the three biddies who snuffed it in this case died of their own shit driving, and the fact that there was a bit of a drive-off going on behind them was immaterial.

It’s also noticeable that once again, some daft sod has made up a ‘100mph’ reference because the cars were going quite fast and he wants it to sound impressive – and despite the fact that there is no evidence that anyone was driving above 55, that’s become the press tagline for the story.

But never mind that – SPEED KILLS, not driving like a daft old cunt, and we’ve got to make an example of people who dare have fun, especially if they do so in an EVIL fast car.

[side note: I'm entirely in favour of public transport over driving as a sensible means of transport for congestion and environmental reasons, but appreciate the fact that driving good cars fast can be fucking fun. In an ideal world, the minimum speed limit would be 85, driving would only be legal for fun purposes rather than pragmatic ones, and daft old sods who can only afford a shitty Proton that they can't see well enough to drive would be a) banned and b) taxed off the road anyway]

Earn more: eat meat

A new study has found that vegetarians are dead clever, like. But given that you aren’t, and that you can’t be bothered to get a higher degree or learn how to talk proper, best stick with the sausages:

Vegetarians were more likely to be [...] of higher occupational social class and to have higher academic or vocational qualifications than non-vegetarians. However, these differences were not reflected in their annual income, which was similar to that of non-vegetarians.

We may be lazy, ill-educated and common, but people would still rather pay us to work for them…

The right to Di

For some bizarre reason, an old post of Jamie’s has become the discussion for a pro-Diana anti-Royalist civil disobedience group. Rock!

Utter, utter bastards

Whichever cunt at the Home Office made this decision should be sacked, and/or hanged:

Two senior prison officers, including the deputy governor of Ford open prison in West Sussex, were banned from expressing any opinion on the rehabilitation of 26-year-old Learco Chindamo, sentenced to life imprisonment for the murder of the west London headmaster in 1995

In other words, because it was clear to everyone working with him in the prison system that Mr Chindamo no longer represented a threat to society, the Home Office banned these people from speaking at the hearing to determine whether he represented a threat to society – in the hope that the hearing would come to the false conclusion that he *did* still represent a threat.

Rather than making decisions based on facts, truth or justice, the decision was based on not wanting some daft bint to squeal to the tabloids about her ‘human right’ to have the poor sod banged up forever had been infringed…

If you’re going to carry a gun, at least learn how to use it

There’s been a lot of complete bollocks talked lately about how the UK has turned into Gun Central, making it more or less impossible to pop out to the shops without a Feral Yoof busting a cap in one’s arse.

The most egregious cunt, possibly of all time, is David Davies, who thinks that Jacqui Smith is ‘covering up’ gun crime statistics and that her comment that ‘gun crime is down’ is “an extraordinary claim”. Actually, it’s correct: while gun crime has risen overall since 1998, it fell in 2006/07 compared to 2005/06.

In the real world, the UK saw 58 firearms-related homicides in 2006/07 (that’s a one in a million chance of being shot dead, paranoia fans), and 413 firearms related incidents that resulted in serious injury (that’s a seven in a million chance of being shot and seriously hurt, paranoia fans). The total number of firearms-related deaths and injuries, including trivial ones, was 3,821 (seventy in a million). The overall number of firearms offences, adding in shootings that missed, robberies at gunpoint, people randomly caught with guns and so on, was 9,600 (180 in a million).

The most disturbing thing about the statistics is how utterly shit our hoodlums appear to be. I’m not a brilliant shot, especially with a pistol (the weapon of choice for gun-toting thugs, shotguns being a little conspicuous, sniping being too much effort, and automatic weapons being hard to get hold of). However, in the event that I did want to shoot someone, I’m fairly sure that even I’d stand a greater than 1-in-10 chance of causing them serious injury…

(stats from the Home Office via this useful BBC article)

Tory AM in ‘total and utter lie’ shock

Conservative London Assembly Member Angie Bray has an article on Commentisfree. As one might expect, it’s a piece of Ken-bashery. As one might not entirely expect, one of its key bases is an appalling, total and utter lie:

Have you ever seen the Venezuelan electoral register? It looks innocent enough at first, with columns for your name, address and polling number. But then it suddenly turns slightly menacing: a long line of columns records every ballot you have ever cast. One of the fundamental tenets of democracy, which guarantees freedom from persecution, is the secret ballot. Yet this is unheard of in Chavez’s Venezuela. This means that if you haven’t voted for el presidente, you don’t get access to vital poverty relief schemes

An appalling outrage; I can’t believe our mayor is fraternising with such a stealth-dictator. Except that, err, he isn’t. Venezuelan elections are held on an entirely secret ballot basis [pdf].

Another, err, not entirely true fact from Ms Bray is:

The Conservative group invited along one of the many dissident groups in the country whose members have had to flee abroad since he took office. Of course, Ken banned them from the building.

Actually, the only person they banned was terrorism advocate Aleksander Boyd.

In short, if you support terrorism and lies, vote Boris!

Consultation on drugs

(no, *about* drugs, you prat).

The government has commissioned a survey asking Members of the Great British Public to fill out their attitudes on the Drug Problem and how to fight the Drug War. Yes, unfortunately that is roughly the way it’s phrased – however, you can still write in and suggest that sticking junkies in jail is unlikely to help integrate them back into society, that the ‘cannabis has got stronger’ myth is one, and so on…

Link here. Fill it in – you know the prohibitionist twats will.

We heart class war

As confirmed fans of class war, we approve of some Scottish public schoolboys’ video of Chav Hunting (ned hunting, shirley?).

However, we also note that every posh Scottish public schoolboy (or recently emerged from that ilk) we’ve met has been an utter fucking wanker, even more so than comparable English youths.

We therefore urge the more artistic elements of the ned community to produce something similar, preferably involving live (at least initially), non-consenting public schoolboys.

Two pints of cunts and a packet of cunts

Should you have the misfortune to watch the BBC’s woeful digital channel BBC3, which ignores the fine, edgy comedy the Beeb has commissioned in recent years (Monkey Dust, Snuff Box…) in favour of an endless diet of utter crap, one of the most recurrent programmes on the schedule is Two Pints of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps.

Watch With Mothers eloquently says all there is to say about this woeful bag of arse, featuring that cunt from the Royle Family, that cunt from Hollyoaks, and some dumb bints.

According to certain fucktards on the Guardian forums, we shouldn’t criticise Two Pints because:

Stuff like ‘Two Pints’ is incredibly popular among working class twentysomethings

If that’s true (which I doubt), the already strong case for selective culling of the underclass is further enhanced. It certainly isn’t an argument for making the fucking thing – thick chavs would watch 24-hour dogfighting if it were allowed on t’telly, but that doesn’t mean the Beeb ought to provide it. And Two Fucking Pints is infinitely more painful than watching the horrible suffering of an innocent dumb animal.

If you like Two Pints, then I’m sorry. More specifically, I’m sorry but I’m going to have to kill you, you worthless pathetic piece of vermin.

C’est la resistance, meme si ce n’est pas magnifique

An odd quote from Justin on Tim’s blog re Iraq:

To describe beheaders and suicide bombers as ‘resistance’ is repugnant if you ask me.

The French Resistance in WWII, which is the most widely accepted definition of a ‘legitimate’ resistance movement, regularly engaged in suicide missions against – and killed plenty of – German soldiers. French people who worked with the Germans were widely described as – and killed for being – collaborators.

Uncontroversially, the people in Iraq who blow up civilians in market squares are scumbags. But the people who murder occupying soldiers and who murder Iraqis who side with the occupying army are doing what a resistance *does*, whether we’d like to call them one or not.

Yes, I know the UK isn’t Germany in WWII here: we came to Iraq because we believed we could make it better, not out of crazy Conquering The World-ness. But in the eyes of Iraqis, we’re an occupying army and we’re not wanted.

Given that, it’s hard to see how we can avoid classing people who kill British troops as ‘the resistance’, and how we can avoid classing people who work with the British as ‘collaborators’. It would be good if we could tell grieving mothers ‘your son died for a worthy cause‘ rather than ‘your son died because the people of Iraq hated him for occupying their country‘ – but we can’t.

The only solution, rather than pretending that we’re not a reviled occupying army and that the people who kill our soldiers aren’t doing the same as any resistance movement ever, is to get ourselves (and our collaborators, of course) the hell out of there as soon as humanly possible…

Finally: if Britain were occupied by a foreign army who refused to leave despite public opinion – even if the original invasion had been intended for our benefit but heinously failed – would you be willing to join the resistance and kill occupying soldiers? I’d like to think I’d be brave enough to do so.