Posted by PDF

In which your host is a curmudgeon

Read this sweet, heartwarming story about a fire crew using infra-red cameras and similar kit to search for a child’s lost hamster. Aaah, isn’t it sweet?

My first reaction was – err, no it fucking isn’t, it’s a fucking outrage and whichever idiot fire crew leader decided this would be a good idea should be put on a disciplinary, since it means that if there’s actually a real emergency that matters then the firemen won’t be immediately available to deal with it.

Having re-read the piece a couple of times, it sounds more like the firemen in question carried out the search while off-duty. While I’m not entirely convinced they ought to be using expensive search kit off-duty, that would be somewhat fairer. However, I’m amazed that the fire brigade’s PR person didn’t point this out – her statement of:

The call related to a hamster that was trapped behind a wall. They got a Fibroscope camera and put that down under the floorboards to see if they could find it.

…implies a public emergency call, thereby cementing the image of her officers as cluefucks, whilst also encouraging idiots and morons from the general public to follow suit next time they’re missing a 99p rodent.

‘Earned’ vs ‘paid’

The Fat Bigot, as spotted by DK, has a Clarksonian rant about cars and driving.

To TFB’s credit, he’s not engaging in any “I’m too inept/lazy to actually look at the conditions around me, and so I got a speeding fine, and so the government are mean” patheticness – but he does go off on a massive silly rant about urban motorway speed limits (which are set to 40 or 50 because that optimises traffic flow, not because of T3h 3vilz…)

However, DK’s presentation of the rant provides a brilliant demonstration of the classic libertoonian fantasy, in which TFB is quoted as describing his car:

I earned the money to buy it. [...plus more which was, like, stolen by the government to waste on schools, hospitals, soldiers, and other awful things - PDF paraphrase]

Which DK concurs with as:

I’ve fucking paid for it

The difference between these two quotes, of course, is that DK’s one is correct and TFB’s is meaningless bollocks. In my ‘not writing pseudonymous shite on the Internet’ job, I get paid a lot of money. The idea that I ‘earn’ it, in a meaningful sense that’s independent of the government and society we have – and hence implicitly that I deserve all of it and that tax is an imposition – is complete and utter rubbish.

(and no, I have never worked in the public sector – that’s not the point at all. If you have a well-paid private sector job in a developed economy, then the spending decisions, regulatory rules, educational priorities and economic policies of current and prior governments still have *far* more impact on the fact that you’re doing well than your own abilities. To believe otherwise is ridiculous, nonsensical hubris…)

And this, my American friends, is why you must vote Democrat

A demented Libertoonian speaks:

Republicans, given the kind of power the Democrats are about to accrue, would maybe take away your right to get a completely totally naked chick to grind on your lap in a publicly licensed bar. The Democrats will do their damnedest to take away your right to speak.

Democrat win. Also, who the hell would be able to /speak/ in such a context? I have no desire to support their voodoo multitasking skillz.

Despicable arseholes; I hope they get blown up

This isn’t even funny, it’s pathetic. Either:

a) it’s a lie. Terrorism is irrelevant; it always has been irrelevant; about 1/10,000 the number of people who die annually from smoking may die of it in the UK but really so fucking what; and anyone who’d accept so much as crossing the fucking street to deal with politicians’ gibbering self-important fantasies that it matters is a clueless cuntard; or

b) it’s true. Terrorism is important; the fact that it’s entirely trivial and has never made a blind bit of difference to anyone other than gibbering paranoid morons is irrelevant; the darkies are going to slaughter us all in our beds; and so any government minister who’d tip off said darkies that our brave boys are tracking a Big Scary Terror Gang is a despicable treasonous bastard.

You can’t have it both ways. And even though anyone who didn’t pick a) would be certifiably mad, at least they wouldn’t be as despicably hypocritical as someone who claimed there were options other than a) or b) on offer…

The British Union of Slack-Jawed, Violent Trolls

I’m disappointed my sole BNPite reader left, after I offended him by suggesting that some idiot fuckwits were idiot fuckwits.

Nonetheless, encountering these dim bigoted sods on t’Internet has done a great deal to diffuse my personal version of the horrible, vaguely Current Labour-y stereotype that the Decent Working Classes have all kinds of Serious Reasonable Grievances exacerbated by Illegal Immigrants working to Destroy Our Culture for Unfair Wages, rather than being (e.g.) useless thick cunts, compared to whom even Alf Garnet would sooner employ a Paki or a nigger.

Weirdly, successful, clever, well-adjusted people having a good time with nice lives very seldom fill that bill. Doubtless that’s a Bilderberg conspiracy…

Anyway, the Flying Rodent has a good response to this kind of criticism:

What if support for the far right by ordinary people all over Europe owes less to tyrannical multiculturalism than it does to their cretinous desire to blame all of their personal problems on blacks, PC do-gooders, gays, Poles, criminal-loving lawyers, gypsies and Muslims, to name but a few?

I mean, let’s be honest – when we’re talking about far right politicians, we’re talking about people too stupid to drive cars without smashing them into walls and pulverising themselves into mean-spirited goo.

Quite. Rest in pieces, Mr Haider.

A nation of joyless arseholes

I know this is going to make me sound a bit Littlejohn-y, but this article on kids in pubs (that’s in the “families having fun together” sense, not the “13-year-olds getting bladdered” sense) sums up everything I don’t like about this country.

Basically – over the last 10 years we’ve moved towards a more civilised model of pub culture, with food and children both encouraged rather than forcibly removed. As a result, a whole bunch of despicable miserable bastards are saying “oooh, you can’t have a quiet drink anymore without being distracted by the sounds of children having fun. I want to drink in a tomb, and I want everyone to be as joyless and miserable as I am”.

That impulse amongst cuntish adults – not any kind of lying toss about ‘lack of discipline’ or ‘falling educational standards’ or ‘yoof crime’ – is why being a kid in the UK is officially rated as rubbish. And the people who lament ‘lack of discipline’ and ‘falling education standards’ and ‘yoof crime’ are precisely the kind of bastards who cause it. Hang them all…

Ignorant victims miss point

Amanda and Philip Peak, of Partington, near Manchester, are despicable stupid cunts and I’m glad their children are dead.

Harsh? Well, yes. Fair? Well, yes. Why?

1) they exemplify the modern ‘person to whom a bad but unusual thing has happened’ tendency to assume that Terrible Terrible Badness, and not Miserable Luck is at fault – despite the fact that if anything bad happens to you, up to and including murder, bad luck will almost inevitably have far more impact than anyone’s malicious intentions (with ‘your own stupidity’ and ‘other people’s stupidity’ also counting way above ‘badness, malice etc’ in the list).

2) they also exemplify the current government’s utterly insane tendency to deal with harmful things that are already illegal by proposing to make things that aren’t harmful illegal. In this case, because someone who was at more than twice the drink-drive limit crashed into their car, they want to cut the drink-drive limit to zero.

Now, on 1 I’m absolutely fucking right: it’s very easy to do stupid things that could kill someone; we all do stupid things that could kill someone on a regular basis; anyone who says they don’t is a liar and a hypocrite; and therefore when someone kills someone by doing a stupid thing, we should view it primarily as a terrible shame rather than an opportunity to satisfy Um Primitive Tribal Rage God by sacrificing the other person on an altar of pointless cruelty.

However, I accept that most people in society are barbaric fuckwits who barely deserve the title ‘human’, and therefore will concede this point to the primitive ‘oooh, punish, punish, punish’ morons until I’m dictator, at which point I’ll contrive bizarre and elaborate schemes to ensure that every single potentially dangerous action one of these people takes brings horrible pain and suffering to a loved one, then ask them how they feel about punishing people for bad luck a year later.

(yes, drinking and driving bad mkay; no, I’ve never drink-driven. If I was in a hotel at 6AM drunk-but-feeling-sober after two hours sleep and I got a text that my relationship with the person I loved was fucked up, would I definitely be able to stop myself from going and sort things out? Anyone who says they definitely wouldn’t is a liar, and I despise them for their utter cant and wish nothing but suffering on them. Because they’re malicious, whereas Luke McCormick wasn’t. That makes them worse than if he’d killed a fucking *million* children).

(also, on what planet is a minimum 3.5 years in jail, plus entirely losing your only shot at a decent career, not an incredibly severe punishment? Again, I’d love to see how the Peaks and their defenders would cope with the same – *extremely fucking harsh* situation).

Anyway. Enough; I’ll concede that point to you barbarians and morons.

Point two alone is enough to want the Peaks strung up. In exchange for *absolutely fucking nothing*, for a measure that would have done *literally fuck all* to save their kids’ lives, they want to make it effectively impossible to enjoy the excellent pleasure of going to a country pub and having a couple of beers with lunch. That isn’t worth it. It fucking isn’t. Even if there were evidence that a lower limit would save lives, which there isn’t, it still wouldn’t be enough: given that the value of a life is set at approximately £1m in benefit-cost analysis, if countryside drinking killed 10 people a year but provided £11m worth of amusement, then banning it would be moronic. But there isn’t, so the point is even stupider.

In short, fuck them; if there’s any inheritability at all to intelligence, I’m glad their kids won’t grow up to vote.

House of Bothered

Various people are grumpy about the fact that a despicable Australian cunt who deserves hanged is instead in jail. They’re wrong. If your attitude to Holocaust denialists being locked up is anything other than “fuck yeah; although it’s a shame they don’t just gas them and their families”, you are a cunt.

Ditto climate change denialists. And Tories.

Free speech idiocy

A stupid quote from the CiF comments (shock! horror!):

A hate-filled anti-Semite might, for example, think that freedom of speech gives him/her the right to spout reams of malicious gloating over the fate of those who died in the Holocaust, and to do this within the vicinity and hearing of people who are Jewish.

It absolutely fucking does mean that. If you think the unpleasant conduct above should be illegal, then you are a despicable and pathetic excuse for a human being, and I hope your children are horribly murdered by demented psychopaths who then force-feed you their corpses…

Everyone should have the right to say appalling and offensive things. If you don’t believe that, your opinion is worthless.