PDF, an offensive Twat
X, a former Lover of PDF
[PDF and X are discussing PDF’s romantic plans]
X: Z is quite pretty and might like you, she does have a boyfriend though.
PDF: That’s OK, does she love him?
X: No, I don’t think they’re going to last long.
PDF: This is fine. I’ve recently decided that it’s OK to date girls who have boyfriends, as long as they don’t love them.
X: I suppose that makes sense.
PDF: …because I’ve realised that with all my exes, they’ve had a boyfriend they didn’t love.
X: [looks sad]
PDF: What? You totally did have one…
X: No, I really loved you.
PDF [simultaneously]: No, I meant at the time I started going out with them, they had another boyfriend they were looking to break up with. Like you did.
Company: [brief slightly embarrassed and yet slightly life-affirming moment]
PDF [ruining it]: C’mon, you seriously think I’m Morrissey enough to actually think you didn’t love me? I’m aware I’m an idiot, but that was the least in doubt ever.
X: My friend’s coming back into the room now, would you like some more wine?
Envy my life.