Archive for August, 2009

Would that it were

Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

So I was doing a bit of drunken-Twitter-trolling:

Even if Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi was guilty, 180 of the people he topped were American and hence don’t count #anywayhewasnt

Of the remainder, 79 were non-Yanks who chose to fly on a Yank airline, and hence clearly of unsound mind #anywayhewasnt

On the other hand, killing 11 innocent Scots is still quite a bad thing to do #anywayhewasnt

At this point, Hungbunny won all of the internets and more, and almost drove me to give up trying to be funny about politics forever, with:

Unless it’s the national football team

Popularity: 21% [?]

When Sarcasm Goes Wrong

Saturday, August 22nd, 2009

The CEO of pikey supermarket Iceland says:

Petty shoplifting has been decriminalised – it’s not really a crime at all, is it? No one suffers, the shop can afford it. It’s victimless.

He’s being sarcastic, whilst trying to make the case that actually shoplifting is v. v. bad. Unfortunately, he fails, by the means of saying something that’s obviously true and sensible.

Unlike most other forms of theft, shoplifting causes no harm, suffering or trauma to any individual. Even the extra staff time spent dealing with it is paid-for, work time. Hence, minimal or zero punishment for it is appropriate, as it encourages acquisitive criminals to switch from harmful crime to harmless crime.

(he makes the irrelevant point that a very small proportion of shoplifters sometimes use violence or threats against staff when caught. Yes, they do: this is legally classed as ‘robbery’, and people who do it go to jail.)

Popularity: 20% [?]

“We’ll sell it to builders, fetishists or children”

Saturday, August 22nd, 2009

This is the best money-making scheme ever (watch all three):

Popularity: 16% [?]

Thought experiment

Friday, August 21st, 2009

Imagine a world where all non-violent crimes were civil, rather than criminal, offences.

There are some fairly obvious ways in which this would be better than the current world. I’m struggling to think of any ways in which it’d be worse.

(“rich idiots who trust Madoff characters lose their money” is a feature, not a bug)

Popularity: 20% [?]

Wire brush o’clock

Saturday, August 15th, 2009

Watch this:

If you survive, watch this:

Popularity: 21% [?]

Philosophical statement

Saturday, August 15th, 2009

Losing some money is a mild pain in the arse; going to jail is unutterably horrible. I don’t, and never will, understand why people think the latter is an appropriate punishment for inflicting the former (in the absence of violence, threats and/or home invasion).

Popularity: 20% [?]

Two for one

Saturday, August 15th, 2009

The Editors (not the pretend-Kasabian band) are irritatingly good. Two sequential paragraphs, both full of utter, completely unrelated to each other, WIN:

The sad fact of American politics is that at least 35-40% of the electorate belongs in a mental institution, and there’s probably another 10-20% who are high-functioning retards. The Congressional numbers are no better. There’s no point in trying to make a deal with these people.

Also, I think the Obama death panels should be run like “American Idol”. Three sassy latte-sipping America-haters give their opinions on which grannies and babies die this week, and then the audience can place their votes by calling in to ACORN. The losers are allowed to survive for another week if they agree to have a Christian doctor forced at gunpoint to give them a sex change operation.

Popularity: 20% [?]

I like this

Saturday, August 1st, 2009

From the excellent Angry Young Alex:

if I imply that Libertarians have a problem with black people who advocate higher taxation, or that Jeremy Clarkson has a problem with people from Kibworth Harcourt who install speed cameras, I’m not technically lying. In actual fact I’d imagine most Libertarians are too busy getting angry about other people touching their money to notice creed or colour, and I’ve never heard Jeremy Clarkson specifically rail against Kibworth Harcourt.

…but obviously the smear sticks.

Can you guess the topic where the above is drawn from?

Popularity: 28% [?]

Deporting people to the States

Saturday, August 1st, 2009

So Gary McKinnon’s apparently off to a US jail forever for doing fuck all. Hurrah!

It’s interesting – both on the NatWest case and this case, opinion seemed broadly divided between:

1) people who think it’s possible to get a fair trial in the US
…and..
2) people who understand the US judicial system

Why’s that? Well, the US judicial system has two features that come together to make fair trials for non-violent crime impossible: very very long sentences for trivial offences; and discounts for pleading guilty that can amount to cutting your sentence by 90%.

So in the UK, if you were accused of conning your employer out of a million quid, or of hacking the military’s computers, you’d be looking at a sentence of a few years maximum. Which would be fair, as you wouldn’t actually have done anyone any real harm. A guilty plea would get you 1/3 off your final sentence – so if you’re not guilty but there’s some circumstantial evidence against you, or if you are technically guilty but think a jury would go your way, then it’s still worth fighting.

In the US, you can be charged initially with counts that would leave you in jail for the rest of your natural. Remember, this is *for nicking a bit of cash*, or *for some not-super-complex hackery* – if you think that’s fair and proportionate YOU ARE INSANE. But then, the kindly prosecutor-man will offer you a sentence which is only slightly longer than you’d get in the UK, as long as you plead guilty to everything.

This effectively means that, if prosecuted for a non-violent criminal offence in the US (they can’t get away with the same kind of sentencing discounts for violent crime, on the grounds that the long starting points there aren’t totally insane), your only reasonable strategy is to plead guilty.

And that isn’t a judicial system to which we should be sending people at all, never mind on the basis of nothing as per the current system.

Popularity: 35% [?]