Posted in August 2008

I’m off to shag Zimbabwegian hookers on a bed of Z$

An absurdly whiny and precious post from Kubatana on the sale of Zimbabwe dollars as a novelty item on eBay:

I wish I knew the dockworkers instrumental in stopping the Chinese weapons from being unloaded in South Africa. If I did, they might have some advice as to how to shut down the sale of Zimbabwean Dollars on eBay. Perhaps it’s not neatly parallel or fair to compare the sale of weapons to a dictatorship with a few people making money on eBay. However, there are similarities in the underlying end results. In both cases, a set of people are operating (consciously or unconsciously) with seemingly no concern around the difficult and unjust realities for a much larger set of people.

Do you understand how fucking ridiculous you’re being? Selling Z$, unlike selling guns to Robert Mugabe, has no positive impact on the Zimbabwe government – the only impact it could possibly have beyond the private transaction is to raise awareness among anyone who’s been asleep for a fortnight of how badly the dictator has fucked the country.

Oh, but it hurts our feelings to have ourselves mocked – it’s “hyper-insensitive”… Well, fuck off. I’m fully in favour of anything that could possibly help Zimbabwe, but that isn’t going to stop completely mocking the end results of Dr Mugabe’s insane policies – and the people who continued to vote for him in democratic elections up until last year hardly lack complicity in that…

The Awards

I’m not bitter about not winning anything; fuck it, in another life I was the king of blogs.

I’m just amazed that thick, inept, illiterate cunt Dizzy Thinks (the second-most inappropriate ‘thinking’ based blogname in the world, the first-most being religious fundamentalist idiot Bel is Thinking) won a ‘would be the second-best blog to be turned into a book’ award.

I accept that blogbooks suck; two people who I very much like and respect have compiled blogbooks that were, in both cases, dull wankery for nobody who wasn’t a blogger themself. Nonetheless, the tedious ramblings of an IT-ist without any comprehension of politics, literature, philosophy, comedy or economics strike me as significantly less good than either.

[also, Wat Tyler of Burning Our Money fame, who won an award for Economics, is a dull lying fucktard who knows about as much about economics or accounting as I do about lizard biology. Which is very little. Maybe I should set up a blog about lizard biology which tells lies about lizards and blames Gordon Brown for everything that's wrong in the lizard world, then I'd win awards for best lizard-related blog...]

If you see this man, stab him

Cunt

If you’re walking through a park on a hot day, and a pretty girl* squirts you with coloured water, the correct action is to think “aw, that’s fun, jolly and rather sweet”. It is not to fucking lamp her. If you would get cross in that situation, you are a despicable scumbag and thorougly deserve to die.

Yes, I know the tabloids distorted the photo to make it look as if the man had thrown a punch rather than ‘just’ pulling the girl’s hair and throwing her to the ground. Hopefully, in this case the tabloid’s distortions will help ensure that the motherfucker ends up in court…

[*] the correct action in a similar context with an ugly girl is to be mildly annoyed; the correct action in a similar context with a bloke is to gouge out his eyes and stab him in the heart. That has been today’s episode of ‘etiquette for heterosexual males’.

On BNP members not being allowed to be policemen

Would you allow someone who advocated the legalisation of sex with children to become a schoolteacher? After all, they haven’t done anything illegal – not giving them the job is just punishing them for their opinion…

Three cheers for Centrica

The price of energy is much higher than it used to be. Therefore, British Gas is putting up prices. This will mean that we waste less energy. Good.

And no, this won’t kill pensioners, or any of that shite. For a start, pensioners in the UK are fucking loaded – they’re less likely to be poor than the population as a whole. I have no idea why the ‘ooh, those struggling old people’ nonsense comes up whenever energy pricing is mentioned, but it’s bollocks.

In any case, most homes in the UK didn’t even have central heating until after WWII – it’s not as if we needed to heat our entire houses up like tropical paradises all winter. If you’re really fucking poor, why not try only heating your front room rather than the whole house, using a thick duvet and blankets in your bedroom, wearing more clothes, and generally stopping this nonsensical bleating about “oh noes, the basic cost structure of society has shifted due to oil scarcity, I blame the evil bastards at EDF and British Gas”…