What about poisoning?

If you think that sending someone to jail for killing a fucking seagull is a proportionate and sensible decision, then you’re a stupid cunt.

This blog salutes seagull kickers Paul Cheetham and Jamie Griffiths; should either of you happen to find this post, I’ll happily buy you a pint when you get out – just leave a comment. Hell, I’ll even make it two pints, as long as your first act is to replicate the kicking-to-death action on chairman of the bench and despicable bastard Ken Allitt.

(for the avoidance of doubt, this blog’s position on animal cruelty is roughly the same as its position on table cruelty: i.e. only somebody certifiably insane could believe that such a thing existed. Actually, that’s not quite fair – the reason gullible idiots think animal cruelty is a real thing is because animals look a bit like people, so out of fairness I’ll compare it to mannequin cruelty…)

16 thoughts on “What about poisoning?

  1. Larry Teabag says:

    What amazing bollocks.

  2. PDF says:

    That’s what all the girls say.

  3. Neil says:

    If seagulls can’t put up with the cruelty, they should stop breeding.

  4. Larry Teabag says:

    For clarity, the first paragraph of this post is the unadulterated truth; the second paragraph is moderately sensible; the third is amazing bollocks; and pdf’s testicles are Nothing Special.

  5. Zorro says:

    Jesus you’re more of a cunt that I realised. (and that’s saying something)

  6. Jim Bliss says:

    I’m with Larry here… this is amazing bollocks.

    The first paragraph, I’m with you on. Sending them to jail is disproportionate.

    I’m not with you on the second paragraph, though. The kind of people who kick animals to death for fun strike me as the kind of people I’d rather not spend time drinking with. Or indeed being in the same room with if it’s at all avoidable.

    The third paragraph is just absurd. I never imagined you to be a religious man, but I’m not sure how else to interpret your characterisation of “animals” as being so fundamentally different to human beings (I assume human beings can be treated cruelly?) as to be essentially equivalent to inanimate objects.

    Definition of “cruelty” from Thomson & Gale’s Encyclopedia of Law: “The deliberate and malicious infliction of mental or physical pain upon persons or animals.”

    Are you honestly claiming that human beings cannot deliberately inflict physical pain upon an animal?

    (I’d argue that they can also inflict mental pain, by the way, as I don’t see any justification in deliberately restricting the definition of ‘mind’ so that it is simply equivalent to ‘human mind’. But that would just needlessly complicate things, when physical pain is so easy to demonstrate)

  7. PDF says:

    Hmm. I’ll accept that under Thomson & Gale’s definition it’s possible (and obviously I was playing things up for troll value – I agree that someone who enjoys inflicting things that resemble suffering is probably a total bastard).

    Still, my view is that consciousness is required for suffering, and that while it’s likely that some cetaceans and apes have properties that could coherently be described as consciousness, seagulls certainly don’t.

  8. Chalcedon says:

    Kicking an injured seagull to death? What a pair of evil, cruel bastards. 6 months would not have been enough. Apart from the wanton cruelty, these two idiots filmed themselves killing a member of a protected species under English law. The term should be doubled for their idiocy alone.

  9. PDF says:

    There are millions of fucking seagulls, and they’re minging pests. Why the hell are they protected under English law…?

  10. Specifically to piss you off, PDF.

  11. redandwhitestripes says:

    You’re a retard, PDF.
    Animals have feelings. They can feel pain, distress, fear and attachment to family. If you believe it is not cruel to kick an animal to death, to inflict pain and suffering for fun is morally despicable, then you deserve to go to jail because you are obviously a threat to yourself and others.

    I despise PETA, I am not some animal rights nutcase but I do have some common sense. Obviously you don’t.

  12. Jez says:

    These two are plainly cunts. The fact that there are fewer cunts on the streets is a good thing.

    Ergo, this was a good decision.

  13. Nick says:

    Come to Norwich Mr PDF and I will kick you around the street

  14. Death says:

    I will kick you around the street and see how you like it.
    People like you and this stupid site need taking down.

  15. PDF says:

    I’m reluctant to come to Norwich at the best of times, so I have to admit I’m not overly tempted by your kind offer.

  16. JW says:

    What comes around goes around and these halfwits will get their comeuppance

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