Posted in May 2008

The cycle of vindictive bastardry

Obsolete makes sense:

[This is] why Sophie Lancaster’s mother hasn’t received the overwhelming sympathy or coverage that Helen Newlove did; she happened to [be] a youth worker who believed in compassion, letting live and and forgiving, and despite initial and understandable soul-searching about whether she could continue in such a job, she’s decided she will. Contrast that to Newlove: the woman out not for justice, but for apparent vengeance, who gives the kind of quotes the tabloids adore, such as saying how she’d give her husband’s killers the lethal injection herself, while demanding that new, deeply authoritarian and illiberal laws be brought in to stop such youths killing in the future.

When met with individuals who don’t want to pursue a vendetta, or even, God forbid, forgive their tormentors, as Anthony Walker’s mother famously did, they don’t understand it or consider it worthy of further coverage, except to ask how they possibly could do such a thing. The embittered and angry always make for better copy than the reflective ones who want to move on.

I’d agree wholeheartedly, and add Liz Longhurst to the list of the vindictive, vendetta tabloid-tacular side. And of course, this fuels the cycle of hatred, has contributed to everyone being more afraid of crime than they should be, and generally makes the world a worse place for all concerned. While I’m not a Christian, getting rid of “eye-for-eye” and substituting “turn the other cheek” is quality inspirational genius, and is pretty much the foundation of everything that’s good, decent and worth keeping about western civilisation.

On a more personal basis, the people I love know my views about This Sort Of Thing, and are sane liberals rather than deranged medievalists; it’s disappointing to think that in the extremely unlikely event that I were to become the victim of a vile murder, they’d be more or less completely ignored in favour of people who wanted to eviscerate children [*] live on TV…

[*] it’s weird – if anyone other than Helen Newlove were to go public about their desire to kill children, they’d find themselves at best a social pariah and probably in a loony bin within a few days…

Hooray! Hooray!

It’s National Tackling Drugs Week. Let’s all go tackle some drugs…

Cutting one’s losses

If I was called Mr Small Cock and I fell over a flower, I’m not sure that drawing the attention of everyone in the world to this fact through a ridiculous lawsuit would be my first cause of action.

Ah well, hope he enjoys the ill-gotten loot…

Crooked Tory bastard in ‘is crooked Tory bastard’ shock

Obviously, as soon as I put up a post defending Boris Johnson, he was bound to do something irretrievably awful. And as if by magic, he comes up with “I’ll ban my biggest rival from standing in 2012, when the Tories are in power and unpopular…

Actually, it’s not entirely clear from the Standard piece whether Mr Johnson is proposing a two-consecutive-terms limit on being mayor, which wouldn’t be a terrible idea, or whether he’s proposing a two-terms-ever limit, which would be pretty much an act of attainder against Ken Livingstone. Ken certainly seems to think he means the latter; we shall see.

We do know for sure that Mr Johnson, entertainingly for a man who promised to stamp out corruption and cronyism, has stuffed his advisory team with members of Westminster Council. Yes, that’s Westminster Council of “we are the corrupt evil bastards who forced council tenants to live in asbestos-ridden accommodation, sold council assets worth tens of millions of pounds to the council leader, and then made no effort whatsoever to get the money back from her when her fraud was proven because she’s our friend and we don’t give a fuck” fame.

Still, at least none of the money they steal this time round will go to minorities or socialists. So that’s OK then…

Order, order – mine’s four bottles of wine, please

Yes, it’s time for the Obligatory Taking The Piss Out Of Guido session, where we mock irritating, litigous tossers for getting arrested while driving drunk.

EJH in ChickYog’s comments has the best gag on the whole saga:

I think my favourite part of the whole story is that he was speaking at the Adam Smith Institute. Perhaps an invisible hand topped up his glass when he wasn’t looking?

Cunt du jour

I’m against the 42-day internment proposal, as is anyone with any sense at all.

However, this kind of twatty opposition almost swings me in favour of it. Count the “I am a despicable bastard and deserve horsewhipped and rubbed in salt” clichés – “Liebour” (at least he doesn’t call them ZaNu Liebour, I suppose), a clever and appropriate “Labour plus swastika logo”, and the PM referred to as “No Mandate Brown” (if you’re so keen on the fucking constitution, you should fucking accept that the Prime Minister isn’t and never has been a democratically elected position), all in a single post.

The dickhead in question also claims to be “a foreigner in my own country” (yeah, all those fucking darkies they let in – best send them home, eh? update – retracted – see below). I’m sure you’ll be unsurprised to learn he’s a fervent campaigner for EU exit and an English parliament, too…

It upsets me that the fucktard calls himself “Wonko”, however. It’s a reference to Douglas Adams’s character, Wonko the Sane – and I always hate it when loathsome rednecks misappropriate the work of brilliant, liberal writers who’d certainly hate all the swivel-eyed nonsense they spout…

Update: Wonko responds. He says “I think Douglas Adams would have been vehemently opposed to the system of apartheid and anti-English discrimination in place now at the hand of the racist Brit-Scots“. I strongly suspect that Douglas Adams would have laughed in mild desperation at the world when he encountered anyone holding such gibberingly insane views; readers, what do you think?

He also points out that the “foreigner in his only country” thing is about being an English nationalist while England is abolished by sinister transnational Scottish-elitist machinations, not about immigration. I do feel slightly guilty about this one: being a conspiraloon is not as bad as being a racist, and so whilst believing the original statement to be utter bollocks, I retract any suggestion that it’s motivated by not liking the darkies…

Much as I hate Boris, this is fucking nonsense

According to the Centre for Social Cohesion (readers, can you think of anything more 1984-esque and horrible than a Centre for Social Cohesion?)

Mayor Johnson has managed to recall one such incident from that era when a fellow club member, now a top city lawyer, had thrown a plant pot through a restaurant window and the police had been summoned:

“The party ended up with a number of us crawling on all fours through the hedges of the botanical gardens, and trying to escape the police dogs.”

Mayor Johnson did not escape arrest and, along with several other club members also arrested, was obliged to spend the night in police custody. “Once we were in the cells we became pathetic namby-pambies”, said the Mayor.

Of course, the scale of their misdemeanours does not begin to match that of Jimmy Mizen’s killer. But, then, unlike him, David Cameron and Boris Johnson had had every advantage in life, including an Eton-Oxford education.

No, it’s not about the scale, you daft cunts. Call-me-Dave and Boris went out and were twats, in a harmless-aside-from-financial fashion (and mild financial loss doesn’t matter at all; if you think it does then you’re a blithering idiot). Harmless jolly fun; the sort of thing everyone should do as a kid; and only paranoid tools who fear a hoodie lurking in every corner worry about it.

The guy who killed Jimmy Mizen, although admittedly unlucky in that hitting someone with a glass bowl doesn’t normally kill them, did nonetheless hit a chap with a glass bowl. That’s a completely different issue, in that it involves actually doing violence against a person. If you’re too moronic to grasp this concept, you probably shouldn’t be writing for a social think tank…

Anyone who calls himself a progressive is a fucking shitbag

Paulie from Never Trust A Hippy really is a ridiculous fucking twat.

No, this isn’t a fucking ‘constructivist’ comment; nor does it take account of the fucking ‘historical forces’ shaping why Paulie is such a ridiculous twat. It’s a bourgeois observation, from my ahistorical ivory tower, based purely on observation of the text without consideration for its positioning. Bad me.

Diamond Geezer has been on absolute top form on the Mayoral election, the posing clown who won it, and the fact that – despite there being next to no crime and the only people who worry about crime being gibbering ninnies – it’s somehow become a serious political issue.

Highlight:

The Mayor has correctly recognised that Londoners are a bunch of screaming wusses with no accurate perception of reality, especially those who never travel by bus because they think it’s too damned scary. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Also, given that DG isn’t really supposed to be a political blog, and given the insane depths of “OMFG! Two people out of 60 million got stabbed last weekend, we’re clearly descending into an abyss of hoodie terror!” nonsense that infests the comments sections of even nominally sane places like CiF and Liberal Conspiracy, it’s good to see that the comments are pretty on the same wavelength as the post.

Readers, are you sane people like DG, or are you paranoid lunatics who think crime is a serious issue worth bothering with? When a woman whose 18-year-old daughter killed herself in jail after being sent there for being a bit mean to an old geezer [*], kills herself out of depression and grief and someone writes a tribute article to her, do you say:

“Pauline Campbell was a brave and compassionate woman. She will be sorely missed.”

or

“Oh, FFS! If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.”

If you have any views on why the bunch of eejits who believe the second point tend to congregate on liberal blogs rather than whimsical blogs about London scenery, feel free to post them in the comments. Also feel free to prove my point by posting ignorant rants in the comments about how Sarah Campbell was, like, EEEVIL JUNKI3 SKUM and deserved to DIE!!!!

[*] yes, the old geezer had a heart condition that the girls didn’t know about, and when they were a bit mean to him he died of fright [**]. This, in a sane world, would be punished in the same way as being a bit mean to anyone else – i.e. mild disapproval. What matters morally is what could be reasonably expected from your actions (for the avoidance of doubt, “being a bit mean to an old geezer” does not allow you to reasonably infer “old geezer will snuff it”), not their actual consequences; and if you don’t understand that then you have the moral sensibilities of a five-year-old.

[**] fucking hell, this is an 18-year-old girl we’re talking about. if you’re an adult male who’s scared of an 18-year-old girl, you don’t deserve to walk this earth, you ridiculous pansy.

Quokka news

It’s good to know that Aussie politician Troy Buswell has never done anything inappropriate with a quokka. And who hasn’t induldged in a bit of chair-sniffing every now and then?

However, as dsquared says:

What would be appropriate behaviour toward a quokka? I suspect that different people draw different lines with respect to these eminently fuckable, football-shaped, edible marsupials. Who I suspect have a pretty tough time of it.

I’m slightly perplexed by the ‘fuckable’ – they look a bit small to me, but I’ll defer to the expert. Quokkas are certainly another illustration of the bizarre bifurcation of Antipodean wildlife: on the one hand, you have unspeakably hardcore versions of normal things, such as spiders that can eat your head and fish that can eat your whole boat; on the other, you have unspeakably crap versions of normal things, such as permanently stoned minature bears that die falling out of trees and birds that can’t fly or run. The quokka definitely falls into the second category.

At least according to Wikipedia, the quokka “recycles a small amount of its waste products”. What an environmentally friendly little fella – an inspiration to us all. Or alternatively, what a great euphemism: “no, I wasn’t eating my own shit in that German movie, I was just recycling waste products…”