Pigdogfucker

Charlie Brooker’s Guardian piece on the mayoral elections isn’t the finest thing he’s ever written, although it does capture quite well the “yes, I know Ken’s a bit dodgy, but at least he’s not the other cunt” feeling that appears highly popular at the moment.

[everyone I’ve spoken to in real-world-life on this either believes in the abolition of all social benefits and the reintroduction of flogging, or thinks that Boris is a disastrous idea for mayor and would happily vote for a hyena in a red rosette to keep him out…]

In response, DK and Longrider have written utterly stupid articles – definitely unworthy of DK, at least (some people seem to like Longrider, but I’ve never seen him produce anything beyond slightly less insane and witless versions of Richard Littlejohn talking points).

Both of them seem distraught at Charlie’s suggestion that:

Now, even if the Standard photographs Ken carving a swastika into a dormouse’s back, I’ll vote for him…

Look guys, it’s pretty simple. Charlie isn’t not suggesting that if Ken is actually caught carving a swastika into a doormouse’s back, he’ll still vote for him. He’s taken a mildly surreal example of The Worst Thing Someone Could Possibly Be Caught Doing, and then used it hyperbolically to explain his actual point, that his dislike of Boris Johnson is so strong that Ken would need to do something really unpleasant in order to lose his tactical vote.

And Longrider wins extra Aspergers points for the suggestion elsewhere in his “fisking” (it seems odd that someone a million times braver and more informative than these bastards, and who turned out to be right about more or less everything he was slated for in 2003, has had his name turned into an adjective for “unconvincingly calling someone better than you a cunt”, but there you go) that Brooker doesn’t understand satire…

If you’re a BNP fuckwit, you may have been spending the last year or so spreading the myth that Muslim chaps kidnap white girls and turn them into kebabs. Indeed, you may have been doing so in the comments section of this blog, citing a leak from anonymous Blackpool police sources to the local paper about an ongoing criminal investigation as their ‘evidence’.

If you’re not a BNP fuckwit, it will come as no surprise to you to learn that said ongoing criminal investigation concluded with the acquital of all defendants, ordered by the judge on the basis that the police’s evidence was riddled with lies.

Unfortunately, the story has almost certainly reached urban myth status to the degree that thick cunts everywhere will believe it happened somewhere, despite not having done. Which will almost certainly lead to more mistrust, hatred and violence between thick white cunts and the Saracen hordes. Which is what the BNP wanted in the first place… so of course they don’t give a fuck that the story was made up all along…

Update: for the avoidance of doubt, I’m happy to point out that there were no public communications made from BNP central office regarding this case. But if the people spreading the rumours weren’t BNP supporters, then mine’s a large hat doner…

From Boris Johnson’s public statements about shootings and stabbings of kids in London, and his insistence that these events are somehow the current Mayor’s fault and represent a good reason to vote for a different Mayor next month (perhaps a blond floppy-haired one), one might assume that Mr Johnson is strongly opposed to the senseless and preventable death of children.

Yet while the Mayor of London has limited power over policing and crime, an area where s/he has great influence is in setting traffic priorities and speed limits. Ken Livingstone’s bus-and-cycle-favouring, car-delaying policies have been a major factor in cutting the number of serious pedestrian injuries by 500 per year since 2000. And Mr Johnson plans to reverse them in order to speed up traffic if he wins the election.

So, if you don’t really give a fuck about the preventable deaths of children, then by all means vote for Johnson. But if you’re letting the kniving and shooting hysteria sway you then you absolutely, positively, 100% need to understand that voting for Johnson on that basis will lead to the deaths of far more children than will be saved. And that’s even if you had some reason to assume that he’d be in any way competent at tackling child-on-child crime in the first place…