Posted in February 2008

India is well Mexico

I’ve slightly mixed feelings about this Nathan-in-training.

On the one hand, he’s an utter tit; on the other hand, I was an utter tit when I was 18; everyone I know [*] was an utter tit when they were 18; and if my dad had got me some kind of totally national writing gig when I was 18, I’d probably have taken it and made an utter tit of myself in front of a crowd of bitter cynical thirtysomethings.

Ah well, it’s not going to stop the designer-stubblised little twat getting laid with loads of impressionable girlies who think he’s so deep man because he’s like totally a published writer, and it’s just about possible that – particularly if he gets threatened with jail by a drunk Indian policeman, has an AIDS scare after a stupid night in a Thai brothel, and generally has his Nothing Bad Can Ever Happen bubble punctured a bit – he might grow up into someone bearable. Or at least, grow up.

(Via DJCJD and Larry, who are less equivocal)

[*] bar one, for the pedants.

The latest from Dubai: US airlines suck

An article on Dubai. Assuming you’ve vaguely noticed Dubai’s emergence as the 1950s Havana of the Middle East (except with Indians and Filipinos instead of Cubans, and everyone else in the goddamn world instead of Americans), you probably won’t be too shocked.

(although most of the people who’ve commented on Rowan Williams’ speech last week will be deeply sceptical that a place exists in Islamofacististan where Ladies Nights and raffles to win gold Rolls-Royces are more common entertainment than public executions…)

The bizarre stand-out one for me is:

Emirates: Not the place, the airline. Emirates is Dubai’s super-luxe carrier where even economy-class passengers get hot hand towels, leg room and personal in-seat TV screens outfitted with video games, several radio stations and blockbuster movies. Passengers on a flight this week could choose from The Darjeeling Limited, Gone Baby Gone, Sicko, Michael Clayton and many other titles.

Sorry, has Hannah Allam never flown on Virgin or BA, never mind Singapore or Cathay? Yes, I know that US airlines provide the worst long-haul service in the entire world [*], and I’d rather swim the Atlantic than put myself through another eight hours of NWA or Continental ‘service’ [**]. But surely she must have flown on *some* other non-US airline at some point, and thought “wow, it’s nice to have seatback video and hot towels, I wonder why our useless buggers don’t provide them?”

[*] now that Virgin runs the Nigerian national airline, this is pretty much literally true. The only long-haul airlines that are worse than US carriers are now the developing-country-vanity-projects who fly a single plane to London and back on Tuesday, New York on Wednesday, Paris on Thursday, when they’re not seconded for the president to use as a private taxi…

[**] are they called “Continental” because the staff are lazy and rude?

[via. Yes, for one day only this site is renamed "ranty comments on Jamie's links"]

Smearing it all about

If I was the kind of treacherous bastard who’d supported a foreign power’s murderous attack on my own country, I’d mostly be shutting the fuck up about it right now.

Nibras Kazimi would seem to disagree – instead, he’s using incredibly tenuous bullshit to try and smear the only candidate in said foreign power who disapproves of the murderous attack as tainted by association with the evil bastard who used to run the attacked country.

(no, I don’t know why I didn’t start with “US” and “Iraq” instead of cryptic descriptions; that would have made the last sentence much easier to read).

And this is a masterpiece of the art of the poison pen:

A very reliable source of mine who knows Auchi very well disputes any intelligence or money laundering roles that Auchi may have performed on behalf of Saddam, but then again, had that been true, enough people would have formed a different impression about Auchi

…or “I know perfectly well that these accusations are bollocks, but no smoke without fire, eh?”

Note that both Nibras Kazimi and his source material are in Murdoch’s pocket (the NY Sun and the Times, respectively). Looks like we know which way Rupe is swinging in the Democrat primaries… (Note: this isn’t true – the NY Sun was founded by Conrad Black. I hate it when I get my dislikeable colonial press barons confused…)

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Yay for judges

Thoughtcrime has been decriminalised again, even for brown chaps with beards.

If you disapprove of this Out Of Touch Liberal Setting Evil Bastards Who Hate Us Free-ness, and wish that these chaps (along with anyone else who’s ever read anything you disapprove of) could be clapped right back in chokey, they you thoroughly deserve to be exploded, decapitated, gang-raped, halal-ed, and generally everything else that you’re paranoid the darkies will do to you unless we keep them under lock and key…

Meanwhile, in the reality-based community…

“Heather Mills tries to prove her popularity”.

I suppose it’s fair to say that the Flat Earth Society “try to prove” that the earth is flat, just they aren’t very good at it…

Fucking hell, Salmond is a paranoid moron

It’s quite fun that Scottish private banks get to print their own money; it’s one of the many things about Scotland that marks it out as an amusing approximation to a real country.

However, the UK Treasury has suggested changing bank regulation rules in a way that removes the technical greater risk of default faced by holders of Scottish money: Scottish banks are not currently obliged to fully match the value of currency they issue with deposits at the Bank of England [*], so if one of them went Northern Rock-shaped then its actual physical cash money would risk becoming worthless. The three money-issuing banks all look fairly safe, but you can see why the Treasury might be a bit worried about that sort of thing at the moment…

Now let’s introduce Alex Salmond, who is one of the few people to combine 1) believing he is prime minister of an imaginary country with 2) getting a salary and benefits roughly in line with those he would receive if his belief were true. This is known as Nice Work If You Can Get It.

Like most people who believe they are prime ministers of imaginary countries, Mr Salmond is somewhat paranoid and delusional. In particular, he hates another imaginary country, which he believes has colonised his imaginary country, and which he believes is devoted to a ceaseless campaign of ruining and destroying him. But the latest rhetoric is even more detached-from-reality than the norm:

Under the cover of a consultation on financial stability, the Treasury are launching a smash and grab at the Scottish note issue.

Yes, Alex Salmond, Imaginary Skylord of Alba, believes that the English hate his funny multicoloured pieces of paper, want to wipe them out through sheer spite and malice, and give enough of a fuck to actually do so. Hell, he probably thinks the English deliberately fucked up Northern Rock to create an excuse to get it through…

[*] why the fuck is it still called the Bank of England? Is it purely to annoy the Scots, Welsh and Ulstermen, or is there some sane reason why the name should have stayed in place when the BoE went from a private English company that raised money for the government to a conventional central bank covering the whole UK?

Update: dsquared in the comments, who might be expected to know about this sort of thing and isn’t much of a Haggis McTartan, believes Salmond is right and the Treasury actually is trying to fuck over the Scottish banks for fun. Nice to know they’ve the interests of the country at heart, eh?

Sharia quiz

Which westernised country already has a parallel sharia law system in place for its Muslim minority inhabitants to use, if they so desire?

And why aren’t the likes of Melanie Phillips up in arms about said country’s craven surrender to the forces of dhimmitude and generally letting-the-side-down?

Oh, that’ll be why, then…

Via Dan. Relatedly, this comment is a particularly good summary of the “I am an ignorant bigot and will spout on about grand principles about which I know fuck all” school of argument:

Why can we not say definitively and without equivocation that a bed rock principle of a liberal democracy is that there is only one law and that all are subject to and equal under it?

Err, perhaps because that has never been the case anywhere, either de jure or de facto, and never will be the case anywhere? So assuming you want to accept the existence of such a thing as a liberal democracy, you’d probably best find a different bedrock…

Daft vindictive cuntery

We should never have given the wankers independence in the first place. As if there were anyone Yankside with 1/20th the talent of Amy Whitehouse’s little finger…

Mmm, durable hardwood feet

I’m not sure this kind of e-commerce is really allowed… Still, all credit to M&S for trying.

(via)