Ostracised by society and not really knowing why moment

OK, so first of all – your Glitters and Huntleys are very bad people. And don’t get me wrong, had some despicable chap raped me as a child, that would have done me no good at all, in the “understated way of saying potentially mentalist, potentially suicidal” sense of “no good at all”.

However, by “some despicable chap raped me as a child”, I mean “some actual chap actually raped me as a child”. Not “some silly childhood ‘you can only go on the trampoline if you suck my balls thing. Or, moving on 10 years, an “I’m a daft teenage boy and a girl dragged me off to the bushes to screw me and I didn’t bother checking her ID” thing.

I just don’t get the whole thing. If Dave Bloggs, the frequent hypothetical bastard, were to rape a girl, that’d be dreadful and despicable. If Dave Bloggs were to have sex with an underage girl who invited him to have sex with her (like the girl that poor Callum Dimmock shagged), then that wouldn’t – at absolute worst, it’d be…

…no, actually, I’m having trouble ending that sentence. What is the sane sentence about a girl choosing to take a chap to bed with her that ends in “is so awful that the chap who she chose to go to bed with ought to go to jail for six years”?

Six years jail seems about right for crippling some poor sod by chucking a brick in his face, and probably lenient for, like, actually raping a kid. But the idea that there’s no such thing as a 12-year-old girl who’s more mature and sensible than a 19-year-old boy, or at least that they’re soooooooo different that the boy needs locked up with Chris Langham, flies in the face of all aspects of nature and sanity [*]

Anyway. Maybe I just don’t get the sheer awfulness of rape – but I’m deeply sceptical, because I can sure as hell say that offered the chance right now of being arse-raped or being given the level of non-sexual assault that would attrach the same sentence, I would absolutely and unequivocally opt for the rape. I mean, to get that kind of sentence you need to be permanently fucking mutilated…

Jesus, how could anyone in their right mind opt otherwise? Even given the option of being raped or being given the sentence for rape [**] is pretty fucking trivial – one is a hurty bum and a bruisedy ego; one is six years to life of being locked in a cage every fucking day and told what to do. OK, there’s a good pro-choice argument here – being compelled to be the cage is even worse still – but barring forced pregnancy, I can’t think of any kind of forced sex, no matter how degrading, that’s worse than spending a few years locked in jail…

Update: this post is grossly exaggerated drunken bollocks – see comments

[*] Traditionally, those are the approximate ages of marriage. Oooh, mysterious.

[**] Yes, assuming caught. Obviously, rapists should be caught. And we’re assuming here, implausibly, that it’s just a standard X years in prison, not X years in prison under special nasty torture as a rapisty-sex-deviant.

6 thoughts on “Ostracised by society and not really knowing why moment

  1. Doormat says:

    Oh come on, there’s a good prison rape gag in here somewhere; which is to say, given the choice between being arse raped, or being locked up for six years, and being arse raped, I think I’d agree with your analysis of the situation.

  2. Larry Teabag says:

    Right. Here the options:

    (a) being arse-raped in a cage for six years
    (b) being bricked in the face and arse-raped with the brick
    (c) being bricked in the face in a cage for six years

    I go for the order b,a,c which only goes to show nothing at all.

  3. Jim Bliss says:

    You’re not really suggesting that rape is nothing more than “a hurty bum and a bruisedy ego”, are you?

    I love the no-bullshit, clear-thinking style of this blog — even when I disagree with it. But that statement is just plain stupid. Uncharacteristally so, granted, but stupid all the same.

    The psychological trauma created by rape (in many, though not all) cases is surely evidence enough that you are right to doubt whether you “get the sheer awfulness of rape”. There are large numbers of rape victims who find their ability to trust (anyone at all) permanently disrupted, and find themselves petrified by the thought of physical intimacy even with those they have previously been intimate with.

    It is this trauma, and the anger and despair that accompany it, which forms the truly nightmarish aspect of rape. It’s a crime that sees the victim stripped of essential aspects of their own humanity, and this leads to many obvious — and some less obvious — psychological problems. “A hurty bum and a bruisedy ego” could be seen as a description that severely belittles the trauma created by rape (an act of “love” radically recast as an act of sadistic violence) and is actively insulting to those who have experienced it.

    Let me repeat your choice back to you, but in perhaps more realistic terms; “Even given the option of being raped or being given the sentence for rape is pretty fucking trivial”. Is it still “pretty fucking trivial” if the rape includes much of the post-traumatic stress? What if the option is “being raped — followed by years of serious depression, a profound sense of self-loathing, an inability to connect, physically or emotionally, with those you love and a deep irrational anger that more often than not manifests in a desire to self-harm — or being given the sentence for rape”?

    Personally I think the choice is indeed a pretty fucking trivial one, though not with the outcome you imply.

    Note: none of this says anything about my beliefs on crime, punishment, rehabilitation, sentencing, etc. etc. It’s merely a commentary on the psychological impact of rape, and the fact that you appear entirely unaware of how deeply traumatising it can be.

  4. PDF says:

    I get your point.

    Part of the perception problem I have might be that being raped as a woman is inherently different from being raped as a heterosexual man: if a stranger were to rape me, then I’m sceptical that that would have much of an impact on my perceptions about sex, love and relationships (or at least, any more so than if a stranger were to do any random act of sadistic/humiliating violence to me), purely because the physical act they were doing had no real bearing on or similarity to any act of “love” I might go for. Whereas that might be quite different for someone who previously enjoyed being fucked hard, to put it crudely.

    But even so – and even barring Matt’s point, as I think prison rape is fairly rare in the UK – I’m still sceptical that six years in jail wouldn’t also entail “years of serious depression, a profound sense of self-loathing, an inability to connect, physically or emotionally, with those you love and a deep irrational anger that more often than not manifests in a desire to self-harm”

    Oh, semi-relatedly, your point is why I think that people who believe acquaintance rape should get shorter sentences than stranger rape [a point which often seems to come up when poor conviction rates are discussed] are utter fuckwits – not being able to trust friends is a far *more* terrible outcome than not being able to trust strangers…

  5. Jim Bliss says:

    Part of the perception problem I have might be that being raped as a woman is inherently different from being raped as a heterosexual man…
    Absolutely. I guess I was viewing your “hurty bum and a bruisedy ego” line as a more general description of rape rather than specific to males (in retrospect, the “bum” bit should have alerted me). All the same, you are — in my view — significantly underestimating the psychological damage done by the act. I suggest you check out this page for a basic description of some of the psychological problems that are often suffered by male victims of rape.

    But even so [...] I’m still sceptical that six years in jail wouldn’t also entail… [etc.]
    Again, there’s truth in what you say, but it’s a question of degree. Some people are very seriously damaged by periods of imprisonment (whether or not they deserve such damage all comes down to your position on crime and punishment, and isn’t what we’re discussing here). However — and I don’t have any statistics to back this up, but I’d be extremely surprised if I’m wrong — I would suggest that the proportion of rape victims who suffer very serious psychological damage as a result of the experience is significantly higher than the proportion of prison inmates who suffer comparable damage.

    Regarding your final paragraph… I couldn’t agree more.

    (Note: re-reading my first comment, I’d question my own use of the word “permanently”. Rape victims, like all serious trauma victims are usually capable of complete recovery if given access to appropriate help and support. That they often don’t receive this, even today, is a scandal in my view and the chronic underfunding of Irish Rape Crisis Centres, for example, makes me very angry indeed).

  6. Larry Teabag says:

    Your update is utterly redundant. If you’re really going to start making that sort of disclaimer, I’d suggest making it a permanent feature of the post-footer…

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