Posted in 2007

No, *you’re* Hitler. And so’s your wife

Top quote from Lawyers, Guns and Money:

If Hitler had been able to compare stuff to Hitler, he totally would have done so.

…followed by some rather sensible analysis. Yay for making good political points out of cheap jokes!

Reiteration of my position

I like immigrants; I hate Daily Mail readers. Are there enough people who share my views to rise up and massacre David Cameron?

This is not relativism, this is sanity

I try, generally, to be a good person. In my book, ‘being a good person’ is broadly utilitarian, with some overwhelming moral values of ‘not doing unspeakably appalling things that nominally meet utilitarian criteria’.

Taking kids from Africa and sending them to be adopted by couples in France (or anywhere in Western Europe) is in no sane way that anyone could possibly justify unspeakably appalling – no, seriously, try it – I’d be delighted to hear your stupid, moronic argument for why said children ought to be condemned to poverty and general nothingness.

Therefore, I’m glad that the French government appears to be backing up the aid workers who’ve been trying to rescue some kids from a lifetime of misery in Chad to be adopted in France. Unsurprisingly, the Chadian government, being a bunch of scumbags who feel guilty about their inability to provide a good life for said kids or indeed anyone else with the misfortune to be born under their rule, think the French aid workers are awful. But fuck them.

The best single thing that can happen to a child born to third-world parents is to be adopted by people in the developed world, and the clearest indication that people who run third-world countries are heinous scumbags is that most of them make such adoptions illegal (and vice versa from people who run developed countries and try and impose the same, mentalist restrictions).

If every childless Western couple could take a ‘would-otherwise-have-been-in-desperate-poverty’ baby from Africa or East Asia, the world would be a better place. And if you’re reading this and think otherwise, then I’d be fucking delighted to go back in time to your birth and swap you with a child in fucking Darfur, Chad, Sierra Leone or anywhere in sub-Saharan Africa who’d understand why the fuck I think you (and I) are so privileged.

Dying v bad, being pissed on mildly annoying

Everyone’s getting distinctly het-up about the daft little chav who pissed on a dying spazzer. And indeed, Anthony Anderson and his mates don’t sound like especially nice people.

But three years in jail and universal vilification? For fuck’s sake, it’s not as if they’d actually done any harm to anybody: the woman he pissed on was already, unsaveably, terminally, snuffing it.

I don’t know about you, but if I were in the final stages of dying, I’d be very grumpy about being in the final stages of dying. The fact that some cunt was having a wee on me at the same time would be pretty fucking negligible compared to MY OWN IMMINENT DEATH – indeed, I’d go as far as to say that it’d be unlikely to even register on my list of concerns…

Catholic Church in “bunch of despicable scumbags” shock

Remember the Spanish Civil War? You know, the one where idealistic lefties backed by sane liberals everywhere fought against an evil fascist bastard backed by Hitler and the Catholic Church?

One might have thought that, having explicitly supported Franco and tacitly supported Hitler, and given the Hitler Youth background that Pope Ratzo claims he didn’t really mean, the Catholics would be keen to play down their contribution to total and utter evil during the 1930s and 1940s. Hell, maybe even to apologise for backing the most evil people ever?

But no, not a bit of it. The Vatican is holiding a ceremony to honour Catholics who died fighting on the fascist side in the Spanish Civil War. Exclusively the ones who fought on the fascist side. What an awful bunch of cunts.

I wish we’d been more successful at burning the fuckers alive when we still went in for that sort of thing. Or ideally, that we could bring that sort of thing back…

More stupid cuntery from the Libertoonians

What’s a ‘real job’? According to this bizarre attack on the Cabinet’s “lack of real-world experience”, the following jobs aren’t:

  • University lecturer
  • Journalist
  • Solicitor
  • Barrister
  • Political analyst
  • Teacher
  • Economist
  • Head of strategic planning
  • Trade union leader
  • PR consultant
  • Social worker

I mean, what the fuck? How are these jobs any less ‘real’ than the IT consulting jobs that most right-libertoonians [*] seem to have? Would we really be better off with fewer teachers and more cunting web designers? Or is this some kind of macho fantasy-land, where self-hating web-monkeys imagine a world where we’re ruled by brave manly soldiers, shipbuilders and mechanics…?

From the same piece, these two quotes are brilliantly mad:

“Not only is a he a fully paid up member of the Lawyer Enemy Class, he’s had ten years of being part of the European Union Borg Mind.”
“UN Transnazi anti-American wanker”.

Jesus. The EU’s merits are debatable (and there’s a lot of internal and external debate on them, which makes the ‘borg mind’ quip more than a little bizarre…). But EU aside, how much of a crazy-arsed jaded cunt do you have to be to believe that defending people’s civil rights, or attempting [with varied levels of success from conflict to conflict] to broker non-military solutions to the world’s problems, are bad things?

[*] out of right-libertoonians who’ve mentioned their jobs online, I can’t remember any who aren’t IT consultants, and I can think of several who are. If you know any right-libertoonians whose jobs are unequivocally more useful than any mentioned above, please post it in the comments.

In which poor headline choice provokes Onion-esque hilarity

Ask A Displaced Person In A Darfur Refugee Camp unfortunately brings to mind the long-running Onion series of the same name. Thus:

Dear Displaced Person In A Darfur Refugee Camp,

My partner and I have been seing each other for two years now, but the magic has gone out of our relationship. Is it destined to end or should I accept that things will never be as good as they were at the start?

Confused

Dear Confused,

There is a shortage of water. We have to buy one can a day for 25c, so unless you work you don’t get any money or water. Sometimes there is food, but not all the time. We get food rations once a month from the United Nations World Food Programme but it is not enough unless you add something. Please, will you people in the West help us?

Displaced Person In A Darfur Refugee Camp

Sorry, Darfurians. The real responses are here.

Weekly anti-scouser post

What is the difference between a cow and a tragedy?

A scouser wouldn’t know how to milk a cow.

(from the fine Sickipedia)

Dead Australians

Despite half the references being completely incomprehensible, this is excellent.

From the same comedians, this is one of the best stunts ever.