Pigdogfucker

One of the odder things about The Devil, of Devil’s Kitchen fame, is that he occasionally invites people who are not even libertoonian, but merely clueless mad buffoons, to write posts on his site.

Martin Kelly is an obvious example.

I might be wrong, but The Anti-British Broadcasting Corporation gives every impression that is a nest of elitist anti-British Briton haters, for whom the creation of a job in Thailand is of vastly more importance than the fact that that job is only being capable of being created through the loss of the same job in Lincolnshire.

Thais and Lincolnians are both people. The only difference between them is their race. So if you give a shit about whether a job is created in Thailand or Lincolnshire, you are a racist.

If you are a racist, you should probably have the decency to keep your unpleasant views out of polite society, rather than launching tirades against people who aren’t racist for daring to not be racist.

Cunt.

So the poor sods who got locked up in Guantanamo for four-and-a-half years for once vaguely having looked at a chap whose brother knew an Evil Terrorist Wot Is Going To Kill Us All return, only to be arrested under the little-known No Smoke Without Fire Act 2005.

Can we not just fucking leave it out? [and yes, to you anti-Europeans: I entirely accept that the Spanish are being even worse than us on this one, and that if we didn’t have European Arrest Warrants and extradition treaties then these guys would be in a better position…]

Not the first or last woman to be landed in the utter shit by being in love with one. What’s the ev. psych. take on why women fancy useless bastards again?

Still, the whole prosecution thing seems a bit harsh: I’d infinitely rather have the living shit battered out of me and then be paid £200,000 than, well, not (ditto for £20,000, come to that).

Seriously: blood money is an eminently sensible concept in criminal justice, successfully punishing the criminal, helping the victim, and not wasting taxpayers’ funds. It’s a shame we dropped it somewhere along the way.

[The problem, of course, is that many of the scrotes who commit crimes don’t have any money. My modest proposal is to abolish prison, to make blood money the only criminal punishment, and to re-introduce slavery for a defined period of time for people unable or unwilling to pay blood money. Win-win.]

A perusal of my unread emails highlights this memetag from the Devil of people I’d like to smash in the face with a brick. So, without further ado:

10) Anyone who uses the word ‘memetag’

9) David Cameron

8) Anyone who stands near the front at a gig/rave/show and gets pissed off when jumping people collide with them. Join in or fuck off to the back…

7) Martin Amis. Note that while I may have the urge – don’t you have it too? – to hit Martin Amis with a brick, I’m merely adumbrating this desire rather than saying it

6) Somebody cleverer, more attractive and funnier than me (has to be all three, obviously), randomly selected from that reasonably large pool. Yes, that’s petty jealousy: I’m not a very nice person

Numbers 5-1 will follow at a later date. I bet you’re on the edge of your seat…

Awesome Victorian swearology. via.

The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Understanding Intelligent Design. Further comment may well be redundant.

Aqoul has a good take on the Sudan Mohammed-teddy story, looking at the wider political background driving the apparent (and indeed, actual) lunacy.

Commenter Abu Sinan has an even better point, that I’d vaguely wondered about before but not explored because I’d assumed I was just being ignorant about Islam:

Some Muslims “veneration” for the Prophet Mohammed is way over the top. They almost worship him in the manner that Christians worship Jesus. Mohammed is not God, but from the way some Muslims act about him, you’d be hard pressed to know it.

I had asked before what would have happened if a bear was named Issa or Musa, would the idiots have had an issue then? Seeing that the “Muslim” bear in the link is named “Adam”, the first Prophet, then it seems, once against Mohammed is being held to a higher standard than other Prophets.

Either it is blasphemy for all Prophets, or for non..

The way they treat Mohammed borders on shirk [idolatry/heresy], not to mention it makes them look like eejits.

Ditto the cartoon scandal. The only positions you can take under which it’s blasphemous to draw cartoons of Mohammed are that either it’s blasphemous to draw cartoons of anyone made by your god, or that Mohammed is your god. So assuming you’re not a shirker [lolz], you’re stuck with either jihad against all comics ever, or a nice cup of shut-the-fuck-up.

I guess it’s not that surprising that head-chopping self-exploding nutjobs know even less about their own religion than sarcastic atheist cunts on the Internet, but still…

Occasionally, when frustrated with the idiocy that characterises the workplace – or at least, every workplace I’ve ever had the misfortune to frequent – I consider returning to the realms of academia.

Then, something happens to remind me that the realms of academia are at least as daft as the realms of real life: a toffs’ club invites a pair of daft bigots to speak at their debate; and instead of nobody giving a fuck (beyond possibly turning up to jeer and laugh at the idiots), a mass toy-pram-throwing session ensues.

Now, Nick Griffin and David Irving are undeniably cunts, and undeniably people you wouldn’t want in charge of a whelk stall, never mind the country. But if you think that this means that a toffs’ club shouldn’t be allowed to invite them to talk stupid shit, then your views are idiotic.

Chris Brooke, who is [obviously, given his profession] dead clever and also a great chap, approvingly quotes some people who are almost certainly lovely in person, and are almost certainly exactly the reason why I’d never go back…

Mike: “These privileged and stupid people have shown their contempt for the whole of the rest of society, with the sole exception of those few fascists who want to destroy it. They may be assured that the whole of the rest of society has nothing but contempt for them.”

I thought it was only crazy right-wingers who referred to everyone they disapproved of as [Islamo]fascists? Anyway. The fact that the Oxford Union-ites are rich toffs is of no relevance whatsoever – how the fuck is calling someone ‘privileged’ in the context of this kind of argument anything other than meaningless personal abuse?

Antonia: “It’s not even as if Irving and Griffin get to expound their vile views and be challenged: they have been invited to speak instead on freedom of speech. And even if they were to, is it not breathtakingly arrogant that Oxford undergraduates believe that in a five minute debating speech they could somehow defeat either, when it took a Cambridge Professor of Modern History weeks on the stand to rebut Irving’s assertions?”

Similarly, an undergrad Marxist would struggle to defeat Milton Friedman. That’s why you invite articulate speakers on both sides. Have you ever been to, or heard of, a debate?

loneraven: “Maybe I’ve as little chance of getting attacked on the street tomorrow as I do any day. But here I am, thinking about it. Here I am, going to sleep at night thinking, there are far-right groups in Oxford tomorrow, oh dear. And why should I have to think that? Why? See above where I’m a human being, where I deserve to feel safe every second of the time in my home city, where white people don’t have to worry about visual indicators and I do. How dare the Union blithely invite RACISTS into my city, so safe in their straight white male privilege that they don’t have to think about the consequences of what they’re doing? I am not straight, white or male, and I have no uncomplicated identity, no simplicity or belonging – but I am an Oxford student. No one is allowed to contest the basis upon which I’m here, at this place and at this time. How dare they take the one thing that I have all of my own, my home, and compromise that?”

Again with the ‘privilege’... garr. You’re a fucking Oxford student; even if you grew up in a workhouse eating rats and being beaten by Dickensian sadists, you’re totally fucking ‘privileged’ now.

On average, people who are gay, black or female face harder lives than people who are straight, white or male. But if you’re gay, black or female with an Oxford degree and you fucking dare to suggest you’re anything other than one of the luckiest and safest people in the world of any sexual orientation, race or sex [*], you are a fucking idiot who doesn’t deserve that degree. Come on, do you think the life chances and the opportunities open to a gay black woman with an Oxford degree are poorer than those of a heterosexual white man with a GCSE-level education? Seriously?

In short, the thing which pisses me off about academia to the extent that I’d never go back is the incessant me-me-me-ish ‘ooh, I’m so deprived, not like those posh bastards’ whining. If you are a student or an academic, then on any sane metric your life is awesome. You have it better than the vast majority of the idiots who vote for Nick Griffin. Stop fucking whining about oooh, I’m being so oppressed.

So I’ll stay in London, spending time with people who at least appreciate how disgustingly overprivileged their very lifestyle makes them…

[*] What about Aung San Suu Kyi?, you ask. The point is that her education gave her the choice on whether to go to Burma and fight against the junta, or to stay in the UK and be safe. The vast majority of the world’s population, whether male or female, do not have that kind of choice…