Pigdogfucker

What’s a ‘real job’? According to this bizarre attack on the Cabinet’s “lack of real-world experience”, the following jobs aren’t:

• University lecturer


• Journalist


• Solicitor


• Barrister


• Political analyst


• Teacher


• Economist


• Head of strategic planning


• Trade union leader


• PR consultant


• Social worker

I mean, what the fuck? How are these jobs any less ‘real’ than the IT consulting jobs that most right-libertoonians [*] seem to have? Would we really be better off with fewer teachers and more cunting web designers? Or is this some kind of macho fantasy-land, where self-hating web-monkeys imagine a world where we’re ruled by brave manly soldiers, shipbuilders and mechanics…?

From the same piece, these two quotes are brilliantly mad:

“Not only is a he a fully paid up member of the Lawyer Enemy Class, he’s had ten years of being part of the European Union Borg Mind.”
“UN Transnazi anti-American wanker”.

Jesus. The EU’s merits are debatable (and there’s a lot of internal and external debate on them, which makes the ‘borg mind’ quip more than a little bizarre…). But EU aside, how much of a crazy-arsed jaded cunt do you have to be to believe that defending people’s civil rights, or attempting [with varied levels of success from conflict to conflict] to broker non-military solutions to the world’s problems, are bad things?

[*] out of right-libertoonians who’ve mentioned their jobs online, I can’t remember any who aren’t IT consultants, and I can think of several who are. If you know any right-libertoonians whose jobs are unequivocally more useful than any mentioned above, please post it in the comments.

Ask A Displaced Person In A Darfur Refugee Camp unfortunately brings to mind the long-running Onion series of the same name. Thus:

Dear Displaced Person In A Darfur Refugee Camp,

My partner and I have been seing each other for two years now, but the magic has gone out of our relationship. Is it destined to end or should I accept that things will never be as good as they were at the start?

Confused

Dear Confused,

There is a shortage of water. We have to buy one can a day for 25c, so unless you work you don’t get any money or water. Sometimes there is food, but not all the time. We get food rations once a month from the United Nations World Food Programme but it is not enough unless you add something. Please, will you people in the West help us?

Displaced Person In A Darfur Refugee Camp

Sorry, Darfurians. The real responses are here.

What is the difference between a cow and a tragedy?

A scouser wouldn’t know how to milk a cow.

(from the fine Sickipedia)

Despite half the references being completely incomprehensible, this is excellent.

From the same comedians, this is one of the best stunts ever.