Archive for April, 2007

No offence, la

Thursday, April 5th, 2007

I’m not convinced that slavery reparations are generally a good thing. The fact that the average black American, despite having a lifespan despicably lower than the average white American, has a lifespan despicably higher than the average black African, is an example of how financial costing can’t really make any sense of the whole issue.

However, there is one factor on the basis of which I would massively support the payment of enormous reparations from the UK to pretty much anywhere on the basis of our involvement in the slave trade. Its name is Liverpool.

Slavery was an immaterial criterion in London and Edinburgh’s route to being the financial wealth generation centres of the UK; it was immaterial in Birmingham and Glasgow’s route to being the heavy manufacturing weath generation centre of the UK; and it was immaterial in Manchester’s route to being the cotton processing wealth generation centre of the UK.

Rather, slavery enriched the ‘we’ve got boats and we do fuck all else’ centre of Liverpool.

Since Scousers, despite being in a theoretically better position than most people in the North [*] whine a lot about everything [**], it would be delightful to see them being held personally responsible for the real, rather than made-up-and-whined-about-in-an-irritating-accent suffering of the victims of the slave trade. Maybe we could even enslave, whip and torture the fuckers.

[*] in the UK we don’t make much anymore, but we import a fuck of a lot. Because Scouse dockers are lazy incompetent fucktards, even importing goods to the North of England is now done by making detours to Southampton, Harwich or Rotterdam Europort.

[**] see: footballing death event where Scousers are documented to have urinated and robbed the dead bodies of other Scousers. This is an absolutely true fact. Anyone who mentions it – like (the idiot) Boris Johnson and (the surprisingly praiseworthy, if only for standing up to the Whiny Scouse Cunt lobby) Kelvin McKenzie – gets pilloried, but it is true. If you deny that the bodies of Liverpool supporters were urinated on and robbed by other Liverpool supporters at the Hillsborough disaster, you are a liar and in denial. Most Scousers are liars and in denial.

Popularity: 2% [?]

First thing we do [says God], we kill all the Luddites

Wednesday, April 4th, 2007

If you think the MMR vaccine does anything other than prevent children from dying, then I’m not overly bothered about the long-term implications of your goddamn stupid opinion: your children will die of preventable disease, whereas the children of sane people who don’t worship aliens and who don’t believe LBJ hid in shady bits of Dallas in 1963 as a career-enhancement plan will live to reproduce.

People who hold the view that – despite no evidence or plausible mechanism to suggest that they might – mobile telephone radio waves cause cancer and therefore they shouldn’t be allowed are equally mad. Unfortunately, this group’s lunacy has far greater effects on the rest of us: not only do they refuse to use mobile telephones themselves [worse, most of them don't even refuse to use mobile telephones, because they're hypocritical ignorant fucktards], but they lobby against demonstrably harmless communications masts.

This has a negative lifestyle consequence for those of us who quite like to be able to communicate with people. More importantly, it also means that the police can’t communicate with each other. Even as a vague libertarian, I’m quite keen on rozzers being able to tell each other about, y’know, murderers, rapists, fugitives, all that kind of stuff….

On the very-mild-plus-side, there is a tiny MMR-style evolutionary biteback: most of these hypocritical fucktards, and their kids, do use mobile phones. The emissions transmitted to a bystander from a mobile phone mast are multiple orders of magitude below those transmitted to a mobile phone user by a mobile phone. And the further away a mobile phone user is from a mobile phone mast, the higher power a mobile phone has to transmit (hence more emissions).

So the ironic news is that in the event that years of scientific study were trumped by hippies with A Bad Feeling About This and mobile-phone-head-cancer stuff were proved to be true, the actions of the anti-mast brigade would still have caused far more emission-related harm than good – the only survivors would be the dedicated mobile phone refuseniks, not the ‘no mast near my kids but I still need a phone’ NIMBYs. The tragic news is that – unlike with MMR – the associated increase in mortality wouldn’t be restricted to the idiots and their descendants.

Popularity: 5% [?]

A step up, I’d say

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

The Scots are currently having one of the most brilliantly sensationalist murder trials in a long while. As reported by the BBC:

A priest felt “ashamed and disgusted” with himself after he had sex with a Polish student… a court has heard.

This is not surprising – she was female, attractive and over 16. No self-respecting, God-fearing priest would have touched her.

Incidentally, I had to edit the BBC quote above to remove the ‘accidental bad choice of words’ comedy in the original:

A priest felt “ashamed and disgusted” with himself after he had sex with a Polish student whose body was found in his church, a court has heard.

I’d probably feel a bit ashamed and disgusted if I had sex with a dead girl I’d just found, even if she was hot.

Popularity: 1% [?]

TV puppy or gold-toothed has-been?

Monday, April 2nd, 2007

I can’t decide which headline pun to use here: “Goldie rejects Holyrood coalition

Popularity: 1% [?]

Bleedin’ nanny state

Monday, April 2nd, 2007

What’s wrong with a bit of pissing in the sink, for god’s sake?

Update: the man was clearly just trying to spread a little happiness.

Popularity: 1% [?]