Posted in March 2007

Anyone who uses this function must be killed

Cash machines are a great invention. However, cunts who check their statements, top up their mobile phones, faff endlessly or indeed do anything else other than “insert-card-type-pin-press-money-button-take-card-take-money” when there’s a queue behind them are evil and should die. How the fuck do you idiots manage to take so long? Actually, I don’t care; just kill yourselves now.

Side note: the last time I was behind a crew of buffoons at a cash machine was at Gatwick Airport shortly before joining the security queue. Some senile American tourists with stupid hats and no apparent understanding of the concept of a PIN made my “quick trip to the machine” take ten minutes, by which time the security queue had doubled in length. To my amusement, however (and after several minutes’ faffing), the machine decided it was bored too and ate one of the party’s cards. Hopefully, that spoilt her holiday.

Anyway. As if the ways in which idiots misuse ATMs weren’t irritating enough, some unbelievable wanker has now come up with the ingenious idea of providing computer games for the person in front of you to play. If this function is implemented, then battering out the brains of any cunt who uses it will not only be justifiable homicide, it will be a medal-winning act of charity and compassion.

Overly self-aware

I’m not convinced that launching Skynet is a good idea. Just ask Miles Dyson

Laugh? We nearly shat

It doesn’t get much classier than heckling would-be jumpers. Well done, people of South Yorkshire…

Happy St David’s day…

…ya Welsh cunts.