Posted in August 2006

Terrorism Awards

This is extremely funny, even if the programme from which it’s taken is apparently a bit rubbish.

In any case, the fact that it pisses off stupid humourless right-wing morons makes it worth defending. Choice outraged quote:

“So I guess terrorism is funny now… while entire armies of zealots in the middle east plot new and creative ways to murder our civilians, disrupt our economies and bring down our governments”

Well, yeah. The fact that some mildly annoying crazies occasionally manage to annoy us, inflicting an death toll roughly on a par with elbow injuries isn’t in itself funny, but the ludicrous overreaction of a sizeable minority of people certainly is.

Incidentally, I pity the poor sod who died of “injury to urethra”.

Name that element

A prize for the winner, possibly.

An element

The monster is me

Corporate self-perspicacity here (or here, if the first has been sensibilified).

And under Batista, the whores were far cheaper

It’s brave of Nick Cohen and Norm Geras to try and come to an understanding of the common ground that unites us all with the equally pro-war types at Front Page Magazine. Brave like the Charge of the Light Brigade. It almost makes you feel sorry for the boys.

The piece also contains one of those bits of American Right Bizarre Association that makes you double-take:

The Left has a long, depressing, ugly and blood-stained record of worshipping the most vile and barbaric tyrannies of the 20th century, including Stalin’s Soviet Union, Mao’s China, Ho Chi Minh’s Vietnam and Castro’s Cuba.

Nobody could dispute Stalin, Mao or Minh as Utter Cunts Of The 20th Century. But what the fuck is Fidel doing on the list? At worst, he’s slightly less bad than most of the tin-pot dictators who’ve cheated, murdered and bullied their way to power in Latin America over the last 100 years – the only difference is that all the other bastards are entirely discredited and hated, while Castro is still popular-ish among his own people, for all his undeniable faults.

Yeah, I know the actual reason: Casto set Cuba’s mentally ill and sexually deviant population adrift on boats to Miami in the early 1980s, ensuring that Florida is now full of crack-addled Republican-voting perverts who hate Castro almost as much as they hate each other, and right-wing Americans have to pretend to like at least some spics to avoid electoral oblivion. This doesn’t make the conjecture any less insane.

Perspective #2

PDF: “You do loads of business in the States, aren’t you worried about the fact they’ve started jailing British businessmen on the slightest pretext?”

Another Friend Of PDF: “What, you mean NatWest and BetOnSports? Not really, it’s about the same odds as being blown up by terrorists, and I’m not worried about that.”

PDF: “Christ, good point - of course, the Brits who died on September 11 were all in the WTC on business, weren’t they?”

AFOP: “I hadn’t even thought of that, but you’re right. So it’s a 10:1 terrorist:random jail ratio, and we’re not afraid of the terrorists either, so obviously being afraid of random jail would be silly.”

PDF: “Indeed. So why the hell does the second scare me so much more than the first?”

AFOP: “Probably because you’re a cock.”

Perspective #1

PDF: “Christ, those Orange film trailers are really annoying.”

Friend of PDF: “I don’t know, the last one I saw was quite funny.”

PDF: “Really?”

FOP: “Yeah, in fact it was the most I laughed during the whole film.”

PDF: “Blimey. What film were you watching?”

FOP: “United 93.”